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Housemate problems

Charlie_C
Community Member

Hi Everyone,

I'm new and this is my first time posting. I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has posted about this, but I couldn't find any previous examples so I'm posting a new thread. Hopefully it helps other people too.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm a pretty chilled out guy, social but sensitive as well. My main problem at the moment is my housemates.

What do you do when a housemate you were friends with suddenly goes cold on you, refuses to talk to you about it, and avoids contact as much as possible?

The possibility that I'm over-imagining things has definitely crossed my mind. But an example from tonight really seems to demonstrate the main problem of deliberate avoidance of communication. I was home, watching TV in the lounge room. My 2 housemates came home, with a friend who is staying with us for a few weeks. I had already called one of the housemates a few hours earlier, saying that I thought we needed to talk - specifically about the trouble the 3rd housemate and I have had. We agreed to talk about it tomorrow night.

Not one of them came in to say hi.

I know, I know, some people really hate repetitive conversations based around "how are you?". I get that, and I do try to avoid it sometimes. But seeing as I hadn't even seen them in the morning (they leave early for work), doesn't that really say that there is a problem? Surely saying "hey" when you come isn't that big of a deal?

I'm pretty sure at this stage (it's been going on for 2 months) it's too late and I need to move out. But I have tried talking to them, as a group with the three of us and individually to each of them. And still nothing.

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this type of situation I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks 🙂

3 Replies 3

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Charlie_C

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the strength to post as well...it means a lot that you have!

No one is here to judge you in anyway....you are a smart and caring person by posting Charlie

You are doing everything really well by communicating as well as you have. Saying 'Hey' is a simple common courtesy that costs nothing. I hear and understand you on that loud and clear. You are not expecting too much.

To post on the forums takes a lot of courage Charlie, just a couple of queries if I may.....What happened with your 3rd housemate? And also are you in a position to move out money wise?

The Beyond Blue forums are rock solid secure...no worries there. There are also many kind people that can be here for you too.

It would be great if you could post back Charlie

Good1 for posting....I would have done the same as you. You are entitled to a quality home environment and to be treated as you treat others.

You are not alone

Paul

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for replying to me.

To answer your queries, money is a bit tight but I am able to move out and find somewhere new if need be...as seems to be the case. There is a bit of difficulty ahead in terms of changing the bond for the house (it is registered in my name), but nothing that paperwork and time won't fix.

My two other housemates are a married couple, and the three of us became friends when we met living in another sharehouse a few months ago. When things didn't work out in that house, we decided to rent a house by ourselves.

My 3rd housemate (I probably should've said 2nd) is the wife of that married couple. We definitely have different opinions on things, and the first night the 3 of us spent in our new house the situation was tense over things like washing dishes with hot water versus cold, and where to store plates etc. There were a few moments where we were definitely feeling anxious and perhaps a little angry with each other over small things, but for me in manifested in severe depression that saw me staying in my room for almost 48 hours straight.

By the time I had tried to come out and talk to them, it was too late. She's been ignoring me, avoiding eye contact, avoiding using the same rooms I'm in (going to the living room if I'm in the kitchen etc) and so on.

What really got me was that I had spent a lot of time helping the other 2 find the house, and previously when we were living in a different place. I even got in trouble with our old landlord by helping defend them when they had legal trouble. So for all that to have happened, and then for her to decide to "cut all ties" emotionally was really, really hard. I think that's what drove me down into a dark place.

Thankfully I recovered from the worst of it, by talking to friends and family, and even a quick session on the BeyondBlue chat service 🙂

Any ideas on how to tackle this situation? We're supposed to have a "talk" about this tonight to try and sort things out, but them completely ignoring me last night when they came in seems to have made any effort to communicate a forgone conclusion...

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Charlie

I have been in a situation with a boarder that was giving me the 'silent treatment' so to speak. I tried communication, everything but it was just a mess..and very stressful.

Well done to you for talking to friends and family too, and talking to the super kind people on BB support:-)

Living in a shared home needs people (especially the wife in your case) to communicate. When they walked in last night did they end up saying anything, or was it all dead silent?

Having the house in your name makes things tough. But it still means 'technically' you can ask for a chat to 'clear the air'. Staying in your room for ages is a pain Charlie..and really unfair of the couple not to even try to communicate.

Doesnt sound like an atmosphere that is pleasant. Is it worth another crack at having a chat?

Best

Paul