I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the change but i just feel so tired and upset that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I cant fathom what his done to me, i lay awake at night crying and overthinking everything that happened wondering what is wrong with me to love a person that destroyed me. I want him to reassure my thoughts and tell me what i think and feel about us is the truth and his nasty words aren't. I dont understand how i can open up and be so honest with someone and them turn around and accuse me of everything I am not, everything he accused me of is actually what his done to me and how he is as a person. He has told his friends and family that I am crazy, he told me i have ruined his life and that i meant nothing to him at all and he will find someone so much better than me cause he cant think of anything good about me. I had still tried to contact him as i wanted closure, he ended it randomly and it didnt make sense. He then threatened to get a restraining order against me, he said that shows how much he hates me and how little i mean to him if his willing to do that.
i had a really bad night 2 nights ago, feeling lost and worthless i went to a park him and i use to go and hangout. I messaged him and he ignored me and it made me feel heartbroken all over again that he doesnt even care for my wellbeing. I dont understand how he can do this to me, how he can one moment talk about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever to a few hours later tell me he hates me and doesnt care if i exist or not. I wish i knew how he was truly feeling, i wish he listened to me, i wish he owned up to his mistakes. He ran away from me cause his a coward and honestly a loser. I feel so silly constantly going on about it, but i just feel like im getting worse.
