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Hit rock bottom
I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the change but i just feel so tired and upset that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I cant fathom what his done to me, i lay awake at night crying and overthinking everything that happened wondering what is wrong with me to love a person that destroyed me. I want him to reassure my thoughts and tell me what i think and feel about us is the truth and his nasty words aren't. I dont understand how i can open up and be so honest with someone and them turn around and accuse me of everything I am not, everything he accused me of is actually what his done to me and how he is as a person. He has told his friends and family that I am crazy, he told me i have ruined his life and that i meant nothing to him at all and he will find someone so much better than me cause he cant think of anything good about me. I had still tried to contact him as i wanted closure, he ended it randomly and it didnt make sense. He then threatened to get a restraining order against me, he said that shows how much he hates me and how little i mean to him if his willing to do that.
i had a really bad night 2 nights ago, feeling lost and worthless i went to a park him and i use to go and hangout. I messaged him and he ignored me and it made me feel heartbroken all over again that he doesnt even care for my wellbeing. I dont understand how he can do this to me, how he can one moment talk about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever to a few hours later tell me he hates me and doesnt care if i exist or not. I wish i knew how he was truly feeling, i wish he listened to me, i wish he owned up to his mistakes. He ran away from me cause his a coward and honestly a loser. I feel so silly constantly going on about it, but i just feel like im getting worse.
I'm really sorry to hear that things haven't improved and that you are still so grief-stricken and struggling with the aftermath of that relationship.
As many people here want to help would you mind using one of your other threads to continue talking about this? It's very hard on those that wish to talk to you to find your story in several different areas. They also can't give you the best of replies if they have missed something important elsewhere.
I'd suggest: relationship-and-family-issues/why-am-i-blaming-myself-
My thanks, I really hope you can get the peace you deserve
It's really difficult for the community to keep up with your story if you have a lot of threads going at once, and you may find yourself having to repeat information if your story is spread across the forum - sometimes our members will be repeating themselves as well if it's an issue you've had previously.
Help us to support you by keeping to one thread, even if you're returning here after a period of time. There's a lot of value in seeing how someone's story evolves over time, and when facing a new crisis it's helpful to scroll back and see how you've coped previously.
We're going to close this thread off and encourage you to keep posting in your earlier thread.