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Community Member

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️

I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had come true and I wanted to run away with her. She had told me about some mental health issues and she was scared to tell me and do the fact about how greatly I took it and I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can by asking her questions and making sure we have open communication, but not to the point where it is constant and too much.

Anyway a few months ago maybe 3/4 is when everything has started going downhill again, it’s like i came along made everything so much better and now my effect has just worn off. She is constantly in this state of up and down - and effects me so much because I could be having a good day then she texts me or spams my phone until I reply and annoys me and then ruins my mood.

She recently has been so bad she admitted herself to a psych ward, at first I had no problems with it until I visited her and boom I went into a state of shock and i couldn’t handle it - it was so odd and made me so incredibly uncomfortable being in there and seeing her with these nurses and other people. It has just been so much too handle.

the thought of breaking up plagues my mind and saying I love her can be quite hard sometimes, and I feel like argumemts start frequently. On top of all this I’ve met à new girl and i can’t get her out of my head and I’m not sure it’s because I’m losing attraction to my current gf and this new girl has the qualities that I wish she had?

I do love her at the end of the day and I’d be a huge mess if I lost her - we are so close and so are our two families

but im so lost I’d really appreciate any help

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi buddy,

I know how terribly you must feel. I am a guy who was a patient once in a psyche ward. It was severe depression 15 months ago. It was a very traumatic place. Imagine how bad it must be for your gf.

Are you able to treat her like you would need to be treated if you were in her place? Visiting her is difficult but imagine how she feels living there 24/7?

You may request a meeting with her during her next psyche consult. Then you will get a better understanding of her disorder. If you love her & you are prepared to support her it will depend on her prognosis.

Still you are not even engaged let alone married so there is not that level of commitment yet either. I'm sure she needs you know but it may be a challenge for you to be able to be there for her.

I'd never been in a psyche ward before & would do anything to avoid it again. You are at a crossroad now may need to get some accurate advice from her resident Dr. That can only happen with her approval I.E: next review.

Having been in a relationship with her for as long as 1 1/2 years, I would invest this course for now. It is very difficult to predict what will eventuate but that is probably the course I would initially take.

If you are a loyal bf should you be seeing another girl anyway? Men, (me included) can be selfish when it is the easier option. Maybe talk to both your family & hers too to see what she is dealling with.

I dont want to sound judgemental but I am biased for your gf because when I was in hospital my wife of 30 yrs decided that she would be divorcing me. 

I still feel like a victim & am very depressed so will always have empathy for the patient. Whatever you decide I hope things work out for you your gf & if you decide to, maybe the new girl in your life.

If I have been little or no help its probably because of my obvolious bias. I hope you get a lot more advice from other perspectives.

All the best,


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Jubilation and welcome,

I'm not going to tell you to stay or leave or give you any advice at all which might sound rude and be frustrating but I think this is a decision only you can make for yourself.

It is not easy committing to a person with a mental illness. My husband can attest to this.

Your girlfriend deserves someone who loves her regardless of her mental illness. If that man is not you so be it.

No relationship is without extreme challenges and a new partner is no guarantee you won't be shocked and challenged like this again.

I think many like me may find your post difficult to read because as a person who lives with a mental illness I understand you are shocked and frustrated and feel the pull to choose the easier path of a woman without a mental illness but I also empathise with your girlfriend.

This actually made me angry which is not easy to admit. Not your fault as you wrote for support not judgement. But it is how I felt.

I couldn’t handle it - it was so odd and made me so incredibly uncomfortable being in there and seeing her with these nurses and other people. It has just been so much too handle.

I felt angry because you speak as though she has made a choice. She hasn't. Mental illness is not something we can control only manage.

Some of the problems you list are more a lack of communication than anything. For example her spamming you is a matter of setting boundaries.

I cannot help but wonder what are you seeking here? It sounds like you've already made up your mind but feel guilty and don't want to hurt her or your families. Am I wrong?

You haven't actually asked any questions asking us to suggest how to improve your current relationship. Or how to understand or help or support your girlfriend.

Only you know what you want. Only you know what you can and cannot handle and how much you have to offer another.

I wish you well whatever you decide.


Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Jubilation~

I think it was a wise move to come here and seek advice. You are facing a problem many have and want to do the right thing. There is no road-map to follow and it is very easy to feel lost.

I guess if you see the inside of a psych ward for the first time it can be very overwhelming, you come to realize that for your girlfriend this is part of her world.

Unlike you of course she needs to be there. When a person has depression, anxiety or some other mental illness treatment is necessary, just the same as any other illness. Support and a feeling of security from family, loved ones and friends is also needed.

This takes a special type of person, and not everyone can do it. I know in my own case I've needed someone with a great deal of patience, prepared to find out by trial and error the best things to do, and able to make me believe they will always be there for me. It has also taken a long time to reach the state I'm in now. I'd not have blamed my wife if she had not been able to cope.

So I guess I can't realy give you any sort of answer, that's something you have to decide, you are the one who knows what your capabilities are and can realistically decide your level of contentment. You also need to work out the effect on you having someone who has to make such demands.

Please feel you are welcome to discuss these matters here as much as you would like