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Help- Not feeling supported by my partner
This is my first ever post, so I am a little nervous.
I am a first time mum and it happens to be my birthday today. However, I feel so unhappy and nothing seems to cheer me up. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I received many birthday messages from friends and family, and waited all day for my partner to send me a text or call. I finally received a call from him in the evening and he sang happy birthday, then he asked me to send him some money as he spent all his money last week. Also, he mentioned going to the pub tonight so he may need money for beers. I felt even more upset. My partner is working away up north in the mines until December, so it is just me at home with the baby. I am on maternity leave at the moment, and a stay at home mum. Money is very scarce and I am the sole provider for my baby.
This evening, my parents and sister had arranged to pick up my son and I for dinner, since I do not have a car. However, I felt a huge wave of anxiety and pleaded with them not to, since I am embarrassed to go out in public after putting on 40kgs during my pregnancy. My mother also reminds me of how big I have become, and says I have no excuse. My family came over to my house for dinner instead. After they had left, I was still sad and I sat on the couch in tears while rocking my baby to sleep. All day I spent my birthday at home alone with my baby, cleaning the house and crying. Last year my birthday was the same. I was sad and cried all day. I dread my birthday every year.
I feel so unloved, alone and unappreciated. My partner never makes the effort to show me how much he cares, especially on my birthday. This year, he went with his kids (previous relationship) to buy a present for his ex for her birthday, and also did the same for Mother's Day in the previous year. This year was my first Mother's Day, he yelled at me as I left for church in the morning and did not wish me a happy Mother's Day nor do anything. The previous year on my birthday, he asked me to order some clothes for his daughter using my credit card and then he went out with his kids after I gave him money. I went to my parents place and then I came home and went straight to bed crying myself to sleep.
We have been together for 3 years, but I feel like I am unimportant to him. It's not just on my birthdays, but many other days especially days when I needed him the most.
Sorry, I need to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening 🙂
Welcome to the forums..
Awwe sweetheart I want to wish you a very happy birthday 🌹..and let you know, that your not alone, we are all here for you and with you..and you are and will be very much cared for....
I am not really good at giving relationship advise , but I just really wanted to wish you a happy birthday, because my husband done the same to me.....So I felt my heartbreaking for you because I know how much it hurts..
Sending you some extra special birthday hugs..🤗🤗🤗
Thank you so much for the birthday wishes and the sweet message.
Although I am still hurt, your message brought me a lot of warmth and hope.
I am so glad I joined this forum and hope to sympathise with many other people.
Thank you for the birthday hugs!
Welcome to the community here! Belated Birthday Greetings for yesterday! I would send you a bunch of virtual flowers but I have no idea how to put those picture thingies onto the computer!
It must be very tough having a partner who works away from home when you have a baby to care for. Seeing him buy gifts for his other family must make it hard for you as well. Is it possible for you to talk to him about how you feel or does he not want to listen to you?
Is there some way you can make your own birthday special? I know the date was actually yesterday, is there something you would like to do today to help you feel better?
If you don't mind me asking, do you want to loose some of the extra weight you have put on due to pregnancy? Is it possible for you to go out walking? Just 10 minutes a day is a good start!
Is there a Mother's and Babies group you could join to help you be more social and be with other Mums who may understand how you are feeling?
I'm also wondering if you have talked to your Dr about how you are feeling. Could it be possible that you may be experiencing some post natal depression? It can happen very easily. Your Dr may have some advice for you and be able to offer ideas of how to help yourself.
Maybe you can start thinking now how you would like to celebrate your Birthday differently next year!
Cheers to you from Dools
Happy birthday for yesterday!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. How sad that your partner isn't there for you when you need him. If not in person, at least via phone/messages and in thoughts.
Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Because he works away, is it possible that he assumes you are happy and ok? Maybe you need to chat to him about how you are feeling (in general and also about your birthday). It may be a wake-up call for him to start putting in some more effort.
I can understand why you were dreading your birthday. Considering previous special days were met with little effort by your partner and family, its only understandable that you would have expected the same lack of effort on your birthday.
As a fellow mum, I know how hard it is when you have a small child and a few extra kgs to lose. Just remember, that it took many months to put on the weight, so it does take time to lose it again. Perhaps going for a short walk every day may help you feel better? Your bub will also love the fresh air and change of scenery. Perhaps you can also ask your sister or mum to go with your sometimes?
I also agree with the previous poster - is it worth chatting to your GP? postnatal depression is a possibility, and it can often make you feel tired, anxious and/or depressed. Adding onto that that your partner works away, its only understandable that you are feeling lonely and sad often.
I really hope you are feeling better soon and hope you can pop back in to give us an update on things when you can!