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Help my sister
I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.
Now she is living far away from that place with an anxiety ridden partner who smokes dope and drinks and they also have a friend of his boarding with them as well who also smokes. She also went to rehab.
I go and stay with her every now and then. The first time I stayed she seemed like she was coping. However she drinks every day (but she says she's not an alcoholic), smokes dope sometimes (I feel she probably wouldn't do this if it wasnt around), smokes ciggies takes medication, and does colouring in all day between Facebook activity and over eat she is obese. She goes straight from bed to the couch and always makes announcements. I'm gonna take the dog for a walk etc. The poor dog never gets a walk!
After my last visit her laziness is a lot worse drinking starts at 8am etc.
I know I can't fix this but I feel hopeless. She lies to me as well. I know I'm dealing with an addict and not my sister.
You are a great support to your sister, and going out of your way to stay with her is amazing. Her situation sounds incredibly complex and problematic. Her lifestyle is so unhealthy, and this deep rut she's in will be really tough to get out of. Having a partner and boarder who both smoke and drink is a bad influence on your sister's behaviour and lifestyle, as you said. At least she doesn't live alone though, as this has its own risk factors.
You haven't mentioned any other family. Do you have a parent or another relative who would be willing to visit her too. You are definitely right - you can't fix this. I honestly don't have any particular suggestions, as I have limited knowledge of care options for situations like this.
I'll have a think. Hopefully someone else can reply with ideas.
All the best,
Hi Ewok. Thanks for sharing.
I've been in a very similar situation to you with a close family member. It went on for nearly twenty years so I have definitely been there, done that.
You can't change the person and if you try you will be banging your head against the wall. Let your sister know that you think her lifestyle is hurting her and is not healthy but don't lecture her. There really is no point in lecturing and it might make her more determined to continue with her choices. My suggestion is keep being there for your sister. Keep being her friend and a person who is willing to listen. Let her know that if she wants help to change her situation then you are there to support her every step of the way. If you are lucky and the day comes and she decides enough is enough she will know that you will be there and help is at hand.
Guilt will prevent her from admitting that she is an alcoholic, and if the grog and dope weren't around she would go hunting for it, because her anxiety and addiction would be too strong, in other words she would need it.
There is a possibility that she could smoke in her bedroom making out that she isn't and the same with drinking alcohol and for her to go into rehab would seem as though this will help her, but as soon as she gets out she could go straight back to the situation she was previously, in other words rehab wouldn't have much effect on her.
I am not trying to make out that this is what she could be doing, but I have encountered numerous people who have been in the same situation, so the only way is for her to move or say no to alcohol, dope and whatever could be involved.
Please I really do hope that we can hear back from you, because she's in a position where she needs help, and it's not going to be an easy road ahead. Geoff.