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Help my family is falling apart

Community Member


Im new to this but i am in need of help. I seem to have been through so much. Its just one thing after another and i just don't know what to do anymore. The latest thing that has hit me is my son has gone off the rails he is in his 20s with the wrong crowd and living a thugs life. I want to help him but he has shut me out and doesn't want help. Please where do i go? What do i do?

12 Replies 12

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi badluckgirl, welcome

As hard as this sounds, with your son, he is an adult. He is responsible for his own behaviour and future.

sonetimes we as individuals and parents need to self preserve, keep looking after ourselves even if as in this case, he is facing jail. Because his direction isn't going to change the more you worry.

Be there for him. But point out to him his destiny is in his own hands.

Take care of yourself. Something's are beyond our control.

Tony WK

Thanks tony

Unfortunately i already know that he is an adult and i cant change his decisions whatever they may be.

I am looking after myself.

and thats the thing how can i be there for him if he doesn't even acknowledge me. My husband was killed at work. None of my family get in touch to see how i am (well not since they found out about my son) i feel as though im totally on my own. Most of all i was seeking advice on how i can deal with this.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi sweety and welcome I'm Venessa nice to meet you. As a worried mother and i can imagine ur level of worry for him right now as you don't want to see his plant his own fate into a destructive path I can suggest you give headspace a call they deal with kids and young people from the ages b/w 12-25yrs old ranging from all issues in life. ur son is probable trying to grieve over the loss of his father and by shutting you out is his only way how he knows. I know it's heartbreaking to see and i know you want to be there for him but he is going to need outside help here. if there are any drug related issues u are aware of youth substance abuse service is another service that helps kids b/w the ages of 12-25yrs old you can just google their contact details have to chat to them they will def be able to help and guide you and give you some direction on how together with their support ur son can be helped. I know they have an outreach service as well, so if ur son is refusing they will come out to you. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you go very nice to speak with you here for you anytime xx Venessa

Thankyou vanessa

Ive already spoken to headspace. Its not that easy and it gets harder to explain.6 months ago he moved out of home and in with his fiance... 6 months ago he had everything. ..managers job..car..family... he is 21 he had goals and plans..

Now he has nothing no job..no car..and he doesn't care about the family. We have always been so close..even more since the accident. .. he doesn't want anything to do with me his brother rarely contacts his sister.

Me i can't talk to his brother. His sister doesn't want to get involved.

This is the thing... i know i cant help him if he doesn't want help... but how can i be there for him if he doesn't want to know. People say just be there this is what i cant understand how can i if he wont let me? He is my son i dont condone what he is doing (drugs) i hate it! But i cant just forget him

yes that's true i hear you but there r ways round it without you being in his space "as ur son would see it" bc that is his addiction talking i want u to know that - that is not ur beautiful son speaking unfortunately takes away their beautiful souls and distorts every perception of reality they have they become so far addicted that it consumes their every being. OK what i want you to do is contact YSAS and explain his situation to them they have an outreach service and they also have a detox service for the young people they support, if they see fit he be there to get help and support then he will need to be admitted to begin getting his life back on track xx

oh and was headspace helpful at all?

Ok i will contact them thankyou you have at least given me something to focus on.

Headspace were ok they suggest i contact my gp so i can talk to someone (which is what i asked for..which i had already done)

Offered to get me an appointment with councilor if gp couldnt. But i just needed to talk to someone now not in 3 weeks. ..

that's ok lovely anytime please let me know how things progress this is the type of work i used to do when i did work full time 🙂 as I am a youth worker xx


I understand the feeling of waiting 3 weeks when you want to see someone now. I remember when I had acute anxiety.

Venessa has has made a good point in calling Youth Services. At least you may be able to speak to a youth worker. The outreach service is there to help.

My Best