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Help- I need strength to leave my partner
What a brave post. Thank you so much for sharing a little about yourself. I feel you have been through so much...
You sound as though you’re feeling betrayed, self doubting, drained and lonely. Broken trust is very painful...finding out that how he has been talking to exes must have really hurt.
His behaviour sounds so confusing and very self focused too. Loving one minute then he does a 180, the next minute. I feel this must leave you with such little stability...
Also, I feel pushing you was (and is) definitely not okay. So I’m very glad you called the police. That shows a lot of courage..
Speaking of courage, I feel you’re very brave to make the difficult decision to walk away/leave him. I know it couldn’t have been an easy decision.
I don’t know your financial situation but I was wondering if you could possibly call removalists beforehand to help you with the move on the day. Make it faster and easier that way...I’ve heard that there are some removalists companies who offer free moving services to people who have experienced domestic violence so this is something you might like to look into as well.
Also, I would suggest looking up 1800 RESPECT online; they have a 24 helpline and they focus on helping anyone who has experienced or is at risk of family violence.
You might also find the Penda app helpful. It’s a free app that has info and referral services for legal and financial help plus personal safety assistance for women who have experienced domestic violence. It was developed by Women’s Legal Service Queensland. That said, only download it if you have secure access to your phone...
Once again, I feel you’re very courageous. Let us know how things go as we would like to continue supporting you...
Kind and caring thoughts,
It’s good to hear from you again. None of this is your fault. If we want to blame anyone, i believe that should fall on your partner...
I feel people like your partner play mind games with their hot-cold (loving/abusive) tendencies. It’s part of their way to confuse and control...
For now, maybe just focus on your safety and sticking it out with leaving. You can do this. I believe in you.
Come up with a plan...maybe use some of the services and apps I suggested above with the plan. As I said, you can do this...
We are here cheering you on.
I think you’re very brave. Leaving and planning to leave is hard. I have faith in you...you’re stronger than you know. Do this for yourself...you deserve better.
I understand your predicament and I'm sorry. Theyre not always who we think they are. They show us love and then abuse, so I can understand the confusion. Pushing you, ignoring you, blaming you, cheating and other things, I'm assuming the trust has been broken and it's not OK.
I've packed up and left before. I did it when he was at work.
I'd listen to your gut. And I'd do what Pepper suggested and call the DV line. They were super helpful to me. Good luck.
I admire you for your courage. Things like this are never easy, we just hope that it will be worth it in the end. He does tick many boxes of a narcissist. Narcissistic relationships are very hurtful as they often invoilve people you love. This makes it hurt even more.
Call 1800RESPECT is a good start. Your psychologist will know your situation better then me here, and if he told you to leave then i can only encourage that. As you have bought property together, i hope it is as less messy as possible.
You told me he spoke to his 3rd wife. I am assuming that at best you are his 4th serious relationship. Sometimes it is good for us to step back and ask ourselves what went wrong previously? Has he learnt from past problems and made it better?
With regard to moving, you can do something like post it on airtasker or a similar site/app. There you can specify your exact requirements and i am sure you will find a team willing to help you.
Hope this helps and keep us posted
Hi Gilmore and a wave to all your caring supporters here (excellent posts!),
Yes, this would be so hard. It will probably be one of the most difficult (but bravest) things you’ll ever do. Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy...
I say do what you need to do to survive and do whatever you need to do to go ahead with your plan to leave. I don’t feel you’re “turning into” anything; you’re someone who has been hurt and left confused so many times who is, right now, trying to regain control of her own life again. Of course this whole thing is confusing, scary and unsettling.
Yes, keep reassuring yourself. You can do this. As you’ve said, you’ve already started so you just need to follow through. We will be here cheering you on...
Write as much as you like. Feel free to vent, express fears, ask questions, etc. We are all listening and empathising...
Supporting you in spirit and cheering you on.
Well said peppermintbach!
Just wanted to thank you also on your input to the forums here. If everyone in the world was like you, the world will be a much better place.
How you holding up Gilmore? How are things going for you? hope all is well...