Heartbreak. ***trigger warning
You said "...why can't he just forgive me".
Everyone is different so he isn't you and his healing time might take longer. Forgiveness is not often just a matter if making a decision, its complex, it often means weighing up emotions, waiting u til he is satisfied you won't repeat any action he disliked and do on. Forgiving you us a personal decision and any pressure from you, I think, will push him further away.
Also Hus family. The last time you broke off he might have told them his side if the story and even condemned you. Makes it hard to forgive in the short term.
Your best thing to do is, while waiting for more commitment, is to seek a sport or hobby or the company of other friends to divert your attention.
Respect his choice for time
From what you have written I am wondering if you have been abused in the past? When you mentioned something about your "NO" not having been listened to, and words to the effect that you only like him to touch you.
If this is the case, then you may well have issues with trust, self esteem, self worth and image.
Like Tony mentioned, trying to catch up with other people, finding a hobby, joining a sports group or even volunteer work might help you not be so dependent on your boyfriend.
Can you look around your area and find something that you might like to become involved in?
What sort of things did you enjoy doing years ago?
Do you have family that live close by?
I hope my words about possible abuse have not hurt or offended you. Abuse can come in many forms, emotional, physical, sexual and mental and even more ways too I guess.
Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools
I totally get the issues with not having a job, I'm the same. You can't sell yourself when you think you're crap. I'm working on it all, but I know how difficult it is
I would suggest volunteering, it's gets you out and about and may help your job search efforts in the future, with references etc.
My wife bought an adult colouring book for $5 at a $2 ship about 18 months ago.
She hasn't stopped colouring in since.
It doesn't have to be pricey.
Its good to hear you have the right attitude.Mrs Dools is right about not being so dependant on your bf.
You have a lot if spirit which is more valuable than you think. Its like freedom, you only value it when you've lost it.
Hi Blink & Music_Freak,
If I can offer my two cents worth. I'm not working at the moment due to a combo of family issues and my own health. I do, however, volunteer at a community radio station, helping to catalogue and digitise their music collection. I find this immensely helpful and good for me as I get the social interaction I need and the satisfaction of a job well done without the pressure that comes with paid employment. It works for me at this moment in time, volunteering might be something to look into.
My best wishes and thoughts to you both.
Sorry if I brought something up that you are not ready to deal with right now.
Volunteering has been mentioned a few times here. It is surprising where you can volunteer. I managed to secure three jobs through being a volunteer in different places.
If you would like to share your ideas on a hobby, some of us might be able to help you realise your aspirations with out it costing too much.
I do work but only part time due to injury ad illness. My husband has not been employed for a while now, so I certainly understand having to be careful with money, as are a lot of people here.
I like gardening but can't afford new plants, so I ask friends for cuttings and seedlings. That way I can wander around the garden and be surrounded with memories of friends.
Tony's idea of colouring books is good, a lot of people do enjoy those. It is also amazing as to what you can find in second hand shops!
So if you would like to share your ideas, we all might come up with ways to make them achievable. Same goes for everyone else reading this thread.
Cheers all from Mrs. Dools