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heart broken - boyfriend trying to find online girls

Community Member


4 months ago i saw that my boyfriend was talking to people online. i have been dating him for two years this weekend. I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to yesterday where i figured out he had been trying to find online cam/naked girls. I confronted him. he lied at first then admitted. He knew this would hurt me however he did it because he thought i wouldn't find out. His words to me. I feel so heart broken to know that he has treated me this way. He would be so disgusted if i had ever done anything like this to him. I have expressed all of my feelings and hurt. He seems heart broken that he himself did this to us too. But i just don't know what to believe. i know deep down i know he wouldn't have stopped if he 1- found a girl online and 2- didn't get caught. He is a good man and i know it. I never in a million years thought that he could do something like this. But how well do i even truly know him if this is what he does behind my back? I need to make a decision on if this is a step in our relationship by setting boundaries and waking him up from his childish behaviours. Or if i am wasting my time trying to fix a man who is going to break my heart and leave me feeling dumb. Other than this instance, i feel our relationship is good, we hardly ever argue, we respected each-other and we worked as a team. This is why i am so lost in this situation. I have never been truely in love before. He is my absolute world and he knows it. I feel like i am choosing between my self and the person i love.

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello , Dear cloclo,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums....

I am really so sorry your boyfriend has done this to you, I can see how it would be very heartbreaking for you..

No one can tell you to leave him or stay with him...this is a decision that only you can make..

I’m wondering if your boyfriend would be up to give couples counselling a try....

Also I think it’s good to set some boundaries in any relationship...respecting each other’s boundaries is something that should be done by both...in any relationship...

It sounds like he does understand how much his actions have hurt you...and hopefully will not do it again...Do you think you have trust in him..,that he won’t repeat his same mistake?....I do know from my own experience that it’s very hard to change a person...I really hope he loves you enough to stop hurting you the way he has.....

I am not the best person to talk about relationships....but just wanted to pop in to let you know that I’m listening and to bump your thread up a bit....hopefully another beautiful member will call in and talk some more to you...with some support and insight with what your going through...

My kindest thoughts dear cloclo...with my care..


Community Member

Hi sweetheart. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I can’t tell you what to do in this situation because only you know what your relationship is like with your partner and if it’s something you feel you can come back from.


For me personally I consider interacting with cam girls to be cheating and would not be able to trust my husband again if I found my husband was doing this, so I personally would end the relationship because I cannot be in a relationship with someone who I don’t trust.

I am kind of going through something similar at the moment. Back in October my husband created an Instagram account. I was just curious to see who he was following and I saw that he was following a lot of half-naked red-headed Instagram models. Following them is fine, but I saw he was then constantly clicking like on their photos to what I think became obsessive. I was heavily pregnant at the time, so I didn’t have a lot of control over my own body. It made me feel like I’m not enough for him. I had a discussion with him about it and he did delete the Instagram account.

I think my husband has a slight porn addiction. He doesn’t think he has one, but from what I see there might be one. Of course he denies it so if I suggest for him to get help he won’t. I don’t want to be a police wife and monitor what he’s up to online, but I don’t get told the truth so what choice do I have?

I have a 5-month-old baby boy now to look after. I wish I had picked up on this behaviour before. The issue hasn’t been properly resolved as far as I’m concerned because he hasn’t stopped this behaviour. He’s just gotten better at hiding it from me now by using privacy browsers, which he never did before I caught onto things.

I understand that even married men watch porn and I’m not an unreasonable person so I don’t have an issue with him watching once in a while. What I have an issue with is the lying. Don’t tell me you don’t watch it when 95% of what you look at on the internet is porn. It’s actually laughable that my husband thinks I’m that stupid.

I actually had a discussion with him the other day about if he thinks subscribing to women on Cams is cheating. He didn’t seem to think it is, which is very concerning. He said it’s not cheating because she can’t see the guys and it’s just one girl talking to thousands of guys. They can talk to her though and request her to do things. He seemed to know exactly how it works, which is also very concerning.