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He's depressed, I'm depressed, we're depressed
Hi Clarity1964, welcome
I wrote an article a while ago called "who cares for the carer?". you might find it on google or search. Essentially it is a little different in that it is referring to one healthy person (the carer) and a partner with mental illness.
It says that if a sufferer can make themselves a cup of coffee during the day and take a phone call and chat to a friend then why aren't they capable of offering the carer a coffee when they walk in the door after a hard days work and chat with them like they do their friend.?
Essentially some sufferers take their carers for granted. HOWEVER in this case it seems a good example of why you should be more tolerant of his condition because it seems to me he isn't well at all and is not, in a few months, anything like he was when you married him. I suggest you give him time and wait for his medical team to help him. If he is very unwell then that explains why he doesn't notice your effort in dressing up for him.
We cannot generalise all the time. Sometimes there are unique circumstances and this is one IMO.
Take heart. To give it your best shot allow him time to recover. Once he has improved for some time then you might want to consider relationship counselling.
Finally, be radical if all else fails. Spontaneous decisions like a hot air balloon flight, camping even just overnight with take away of a campfire are two suggestions to reignite the spark. One smile and its a success.
You need to go easier on yourself and your relationship. It's hard to help someone else when you yourself are treading water. I know that from my own experience. I have a family member who suffers chronic pain, the world can become so small when pain is always there. Much like depression, you're just trying to get through each day. Take 10 mins each day for yourself so you don't go mad 🙂 And reward yourself, it sounds like you're doing a remarkable job keeping the household running smoothly.