He's depressed and addicted

[Girlfriend1]

I don't even know where to start I feel so lost and depressed my partner of 11 years has a drug/ porn addiction and has cheated with prostitutes. We have a young daughter and he is so lazy and hardly helps around the house or with her and is always in bed from shift work. He keeps doing drugs and I have tried to communicate with him but he's all talk and nothing changes. I have got addictions now too that I want to stop but the environment I'm in is triggering me and I beat myself up all over again for being a failure. I feel like a single parent with a roomate. I'm scared of leaving and of staying I can't keep putting up with his behaviour. I stopped having sex with him because I was so disgusted with his porn addiction so he cheated. He keeps trying to justify it and I'm done. He never wants to spend time with my friends or family and I feel so alone. He forgets to make an effort for important events like my birthday or valentines day. He has also spent money on boys trips but only come on a family holiday once but he was miserable because he was exhausted from the boys trip before our holiday. We had the holiday because he felt bad. He has no motivation to do anything fun and just wants to lay on the lounge. I don't have a companion in life and I'm so heartbroken. I used to trust him with my life and we had such a good relationship. I had a miscarriage and postnatal depression so that hasn't helped. I get bad social anxiety as well. I self harmed the other day because I was so deeply sad. He has lied about other things too and treats me like I'm his mum always asking me to do everything for him. I'm burnt out drained and feel like I have no one to look after me. I drink most nights now and started smoking again. I have a high stress job in a nursing home and dealing with death as well and I want to quit it's too much but I need money if I'm going to leave. Also I do not want the covid vaccine because I'm scared of vaccine injury from it so I will be forced to leave by September when it becomes mandatory. I want to be the best mum for my daughter but I don't want to break up our family if I leave. I don't know what to do. I have had invasive thoughts of wanting to kill myself but not wanting to actually do it. I can't stop having thoughts about him cheating and he gets angry if I bring it up. I have friends that try to help but I just want to be alone.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Girlfriend1, 

Thank you for your post here today, it is wonderful that you have been able to show so much strength in sharing your experience. We can hear that you are feeling really low at the moment and that your relationship with your partner is making things really tough right now. We know that relationships can be tough, espceially when there is addiction in the mix. We are so sorry you are feeling this way. 

We have reached our privately to check that you are safe.

If you feel unsafe, this is an emergenecy and you should call 000 straight away.

We want to encourage you to give us a call on 1300 22 4636 so you can talk about how you are feeling with one of our wonderful counselling team. They are here for you 24/7 - you don't need to go through this alone. If you prefer, you can call our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. 

If you would like some specefic advice about your relationship we recommend calling 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). They are experts in supporting people who are having a tough time with their partners or family. We think they would be a great place to call.

Thank you again for posting here and joining this warm, welcoming and kind community. We would love to here back from you about how you are going, if you feel comfortable. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M