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He has depression, she has anxiety - Tips for making this relationship work?

Community Member

Hi, I have suffered from depression on and off for almost three years and have been taking medication for it as part of my mental health plan with my GP. I have twice come off the medication only to last about 2 months before requiring it again. I feel that is may just be a life long thing for me but that is ok.

This year I started dating the most amazing women, whom I love. She happens to have anxiety and has for quite a while, she hasn't had any medication for it that I know of but is strongly considering some councilling regarding it.

Things were great whilst we were in the honeymoon phase of our relationship but just recently got really real and we have had some things to work through. During this time my depression returned with a bang. I am back treating it with my medication.

It seems to me that we are now stuck in a vicious circle where my depression feeds her anxiety, which in turn seeing her struggle because of my depression feeds it further. Around and around we go.

I am introverted and she is extroverted. I find I withdraw rather than open up as my natural response to tough times, where she absolutely needs to talk things through.

That's the background. Now to the question.

Is there anyone out there that has any experience being in a relationship like this one? We have this amazing connection and I truly believe that we will be together for the rest of our lives.

I am trying to be very open about my depression and let her know when I am struggling and about what. I, however often find it very difficult to even put words and reasons together to describe why I am struggling. I don't want to hurt her or push her away.

Any tips for how we can support each other would be great. Thank you

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Welcome to the forums, ITxMattrix,

Relationships are difficult at the best of time. Depression and anxiety thrown into the equation tend to complicate communication which is the basis of all relationships. Kudos to you for willing to resolve this important issue. Amazing connections need all the care and attention we can give.

Men generally find it more difficult to open up and discuss their inner world. Women find open communication necessary. This is an usual source of distress for both.

When communication breaks down, a professional mediator often facilitates re-connection. Have you both considered counseling ? It is often easier to find words and work out reasons with the help of an outsider. Face to face communication often causes emotional outbursts, particularly when mental/emotional conditions come into play. Counseling avoids such outbursts.

Putting feelings and concerns into writing often helps too. First because it helps clarify them to ourselves. Also because the written word can be edited, read and re-read at leisure. It also helps by-pass direct confrontation. Printed info about depression can be ordered free of charge (see the Get support section, top left of this page). Getting your partner to read it may help too.

Copying this link will reveal helpful tips on discussing mental illness :


I wish you both all the best.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Sorry about the typo. Please read talk-about-it (not tals about it).