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He doesn’t want to have sex with me and always bites at me?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months and always done long distance (we’re 2.5 hours away he’s city and I’m rural)
I’ve always struggled with the fact he doesn’t give much affection and doesn’t put much enthusiasm into the relationship which has left me doubting myself and because he was once engaged makes me feel like I’m not that amazing to get over his ex...
he doesn’t simply think or think to support me it’s like being with a child. For example he organised this thing for my birthday which was going to give me huge anxiety and probably result in me having a panic attack and like what I expected he didn’t support me, he left me to cry on my birthday didn’t think to even come to support me.
we only see each other on the weekends and I would’ve thought by then he’d be getting pretty keen for sex but I always have to initiate it otherwise I won’t get it at all, sometimes it feels like I have to force it out of him. I don’t have that much of a sex drive but it’s like basically the only affection I get so I’ve got nothing else...
we’re both in a late 20’s I have a stable full time job where he’s still fluffing about going from job to job never happy and I feel like he takes it out on me even though I try helping him and suggest things but he doesn’t listen. Due to this he still lives with his parents in a granny flat but soon it’ll all be under the same roof...I’ve tried explaining this is going to greatly affect our relationship, no privacy, can’t be ourselves and when I do get sex it’ll have to be super quiet and boring. He fails to realise all this which hurts me
I honestly don’t know what to do. Besides all these bad things we get along perfect we have fun and make fun of each other but we both suffer anxiety and depression him possibly asbergers (not medically diagnosed). I feel so alone and depressed. We planned on moving in together and I put in a transfer to the city but now he’s jumping from another job again.
i love him so much but I just don’t know what to do. Everything I say he bites at me. There’s no talking to him without starting an argument
Sorry to hear that things aren't going well. From what you've described it sounds like the relationship seems to be viewed very differently between you two and has similarities to my own with one person being serious while the other isn't ready to get serious plus the regular job swapping does raise a red flag.
As for the lack of libido on a individual level I find that long busy days, depression/anxiety, fatigue and distractions do affect the desire for intimacy but the lack of interest and enthusiasm from the partner doesn't help either. In my last relationship my partner made little to no effort during sex and got to a point where it was easier to get myself off when she wasn't around.
It may be difficult at first but you'll need to start asking yourself what YOU WANT and YOU'RE NEEDS and put yourself first because it sounds like the problems will either magnify or multiply once you're both living together. At some point it sounds like you two need to sit down for a really serious talk about these issues and if he still won't take things seriously it might be time to take a break or move on. Hopefully it doesn't resort to that but one piece of advice I was given awhile ago and I'll pass it on to you: If someone truly cares for you that much they will make the effort. You've done what you think is right and asked for help so that's the first step to working this out 🙂
I'm afraid I'd have the same reservations as CrazyGecko89. The relationship is not an equal one.You give, he takes
On the practical side giving up a stable job is a big risk, going to live with parents is another. He does not seem to be giving anything up at all in return. No reliability over income, mixed loyalties by living with mum and dad -um.
Doing things, like the birthday, knowing you will be upset sounds a most unhappy trait, add lack of affection (no I'm not talking about sex) and one gets the idea you are a convenience to have some fun with sometimes, but not someone that should be cherished , loved and made secure - or constantly argued with.
Add to that living together under any circumstances after a long distance relationship is liable to bring out all the things that such distance masks.
Can I suggest you look carefully at whey you need - not what you are prepared to sacrifice - and go from there. Sacrificing leads to resentment and breakup. Satisfaction of emotional (and physical) needs leads to permanence.
Ideally he would have permanent job, leave his parents for you, and constantly try to make you happy and secure. That's simoly what happens in a good relationship. It's not pie in the sky, I've had two such blessings.
May I suggest you step back for a bit and look at what you really do and don't have.
I have to agree with both Croix and CrazyGecko and reservations about the relationship not being an equal one.
I myself have been in a relationship where it wasn't equal. I stayed in it because I thought we would work through it. We also became less and less intemite till we basically stopped (him not me). It was tough. I felt too scared to talked about the relationship and our issues, because I cared for him and I was just wanting to be in a relationship. Basically I didn't want to be alone. He ended up breaking up with me, wish I wasn't sad about the relationship ending because it was basically over before it was, just the reasoning he had. I basically told him it was a cop out and if that's what he thought about me he shouldn't have even been my friend let alone partner. He only stayed with me because he didn't want to break up before my birthday, wish he had, would have been better. Anyways basically I wish I had the serious talk ages. It hurt more keeping quite and holding on to a relationship going no where. I know this doesn't fully apply to you but I want you to think aobut having a conversation like Croix and CrazyGecko suggested
My relationship lasted for 5 years and ended just over a year ago.
She moved in shortly after we got together because she was kicked out of home and she quit her job shortly after so I ended up being both the bread winner and atm at the same time. She just stayed home played games all day and made excuses to not go out anywhere blaming it on depression that she never bothered to get help for as it interfered with the gaming.
Anything intimate like snuggling, sex or even a simple back massage became a hassle as the spark was gone. Eventually I just did my own cooking, washing and cleaning on top of a already busy week plus trying to get her outdoors but I still tried to get the relationship to work.
Then on Christmas day I gave her a present and 30min later she dumped me with the excuse that I changed and wasn't the person she knew when we first met and didn't move out until February. This was huge slap to the face as the relationship caused strained friendships, lost hobbies and lower self esteem.
I've read your latest post at
Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / I feel so much resent towards my partner about moving forward now?
and I've left my reply there, I hope you don't mind