Dear Cristabel
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. I am so sorry you are having a bad time, but it is good you have found us. The people who write in here have all had horrible things in their lives so can understand you.
It's natural to feel sad when your relationship breaks up. It may be a nice thought that you can part and simply carry on with your life, but it rarely works that way. We always have some grieving to do before moving on.
My opinion for what it's worth is to let him go. I cannot see how anyone can love another person and then have an affair with someone else. Your BF sounds as though he wants his cake and eat it. "Let's be friends and we can still get together but in the meantime I will date whoever I feel like." Doesn't seem like much a bargain to me.
It's not your fault. You must remember this. He clearly does not want a permanent relationship, but he would like all the perks of being with you. Selfish with a lot of growing up to do.
If he is trying to contact you I suggest you block his phone calls, texts and emails. Once you let him in, even in a small way you make yourself more vulnerable to him. I know it hurts like hell. It will continue to hurt if you do not get rid of him because, even if you have some nice times, he will continue to play around.
So what can you do? Block his calls etc. Meet up with your girlfriends, go to the movies, dine out, go to the bowling alley, what ever activities you enjoy. Refuse to let him dictate your life by staying indoors and moping. If you are having serious problems with not sleeping I suggest you visit your GP for help. But try to manage this on your own. No daytime naps, make sure you get exercise everyday, stop watching TV about an hour before bed to allow your mind and body to settle, Have a glass of warm milk before bed (I know, your grandma tells you these sorts of things, but I'm a grandma). Warm milk does help you to sleep.
Remember that although you had some good times, you also had some not-so-good times. Please don't stay with him because you had some good times. You will have other good times with other people. One more important thing, try not to look for a new BF. Finish grieving over this relationship, go and enjoy yourself with friends, or on your own, make your own life and be confident about yourself. You will find someone who genuinely cares for you when you stop looking.
I hope you will keep in contact with us.
Mary
