Having so much trouble moving on from a guy

[plasticinehouse]

Hes in my industry & good mates with my boss. Party 1: I was doing my own thing, didnt rly talk to him. Later in the night, he made a comment about my attitude that showed he had noticed me. It was a big deal cause most ppl were asking if I was okay (for being quiet). Yet what he said showed he didnt see it that way? Later he told me I was pretty. I cant help thinking did he only notice me cause I was so happy doing my own thing? Its like on that night i DID know my self worth. But it all went out the window
Party 2: He was all flirty that night. There was a lil goodbye where I felt chemistry, then found out he told my workmate about it. He also came in my office to drop something off & asked where I was (I wasnt in that day). Party 3: My boss told me he had told him he thought I was a bit of a babe. We ended up hooking up that night. I said Id never been on a motorbike & he was like “ill take u on mine!” then he said it again as he was saying goodbye. I would NEVER imply hanging out if I didnt want to? But 2 weeks went & no contact. Next times I saw him I felt like I could amp it up + be flirty but got nothing back. Makesme feel so dumb. The next time I ignored him a bit & it got me some attention, but still Im so embarrassed. Somewhere in there i stupidly asked "will u rly take me on ur bike?" He said yes (& i knew i rly shouldnt have) & I texted him. first he replied after 2 days, I didnt see it allday & replied but then nothing. I feel SO dumb.
Thing is, hes leaving the country. He told me the night we hooked up. My boss also keeps telling me hes not over his ex. THING IS i would be able to accept those things if it wasnt for the fact there was another girl ALL along. My worst nightmare. It wasnt just that he was leaving. Hes all over her insta hangs out with her. Shes getting everything I thought was gonna happen with me:( He met her before me & still said those things & hinted, i thought i was safe. It would have felt great if he was treating me that way despite leaving
Its flared up all my insecurities. Theres always someone better. He was supposed be gone, but was at an event we were throwing this weekend. He came up said hi & wasnt rude. But he didnt talk to me, not like before. But i was dumb i kept waiting for a moment he might. So i missed my chance to ask one thing for ‘closure.’ Hes gone for real now. I just wanted to ask him why he said those things & hint so much. Its taking everything not to text & ask, Im not going to be THAT girl

[Nikkir]

Hi Plasticinehouse,

Thank you for your post:) That sounds really frustrating and has left alot of mixed feelings and uncertainty for you and no closure. I can totally understand where you are coming from with wanting answers and closure and the mixed messages. It sounds like to me this guy was flirting with you and maybe others as well. He wasn't really offering much and as he was going away he was not taking responsibility for his actions, just being in the moment and having a good time for himself.. For you though I think its important to work on feeling good about yourself and knowing your boundaries and what you are looking for. Sometimes even good to write it down, something i must do myself. We all want to love and be loved and have someone so that is completely normal but unfortunately we can give our heart to those who don't honour it and that is what we need to know is when and who to open up too ( still learning ). You can call us anytime on 1300 22 4636 or chat or get some sessions for a professional to build strength or talk to in a safe space. For me I have begun to put the energy into myself, i started snorkelling, doing uni and did a pilates class, all things to build myself and feel good in me without someones approval being needed. Its nice but not always the reliable way to go, especially at my age 🙂 So take care and know your not alone and I liked how you said " i don't want to be that girl" that made me smile. Best Wishes Nikkir x