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Has my friend been using me?

Community Member

I work for a company that creates intellectual property (can't give too many details).

I was employed on an expensive project for a high profile client, where an expert from another country was bought in to help manage the project. During the project, I worked very closely with this man. We got along well and it was quite clear that he was lonely and struggling to fit in. I gave him my home number and soon he was calling me frequently, sometimes upset about problems he was having with work. Being the kind person I try to be, I listened and even gave him my old microwave when his oven broke.

 During our time on this project, I had a bad car accident and ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks and had chronic pain thereafter. The project manager allowed me to work at home - sometimes the assistant manager would come to my house to make things easier.

 There was a problem between the assistant manager and a coworker. The assistant manager left and got a position in another department. Shortly after he left, the project manager asked us for some work we had done together. I passed it on. A couple of days later I got a call from the assistant manager stating that he could sue me for passing on a product we had created without his permission - this was company property.

 I forgave him because he was under stress, and we even collaborated on a couple of consulting things over the next couple of months which went ok. He mentioned the idea of starting a business, I said that I would think about it and later told him over lunch I had decided against it (remembering that I have chronic pain!!)

 He seemed to be ok with that and we agreed to catch up later... I sent him a message and he never replied. Until one night a few weeks ago. He calls me out of the blue, wanting to talk about starting a business. I told him I wasn't able to. He kept insisting and saying things like the project manager wanted to let me go after my car accident and he saved my job, that he had mentored me and needed my skills (he was more senior than me, however we have both given each other advice/ support over different things more like a friendship). He started trying to guilt me, then getting mad, saying things like that I needed to sort out my life and finish developing some of the products that had been started and not finished before he left. I don't feel that I have done anything wrong but I feel bad. Was he using me the whole time? Should I just ignore him now? 



2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hello um- brella

I have absolutely no experience in the business world. So I do not know how it all operates much. Your situation sounds a bit complicated. Personally if I was in your situation, I would find it difficult to trust this guy. Not sure if that helps you any, but I do care about you. 


Shelley anne




Thanks Shelley anne

When I last talked to this guy the conversation was so bizarre I was kind of dumbfounded. I got the impression that he was almost jealous that I still had a job (and my partner had found a casual job) while he was unemployed (although he didn't tell me he was unemployed). He said that he expected me to help him - despite not speaking to me for ages and spoke in a really nasty tone of voice eg "well I am glad things are working out for you" before moving to almost crying and saying that he misses working with me etc.

I feel like it's a combination between trying to use me and not being able to cope with his job ending - plus blurring between professional/ personal boundaries. In any case I was very upset that he tried to put his problems on me and it made me wonder whether our friendship was false from the beginning. During this last conversation I offered to meet him in person to talk about things and he didn't want to do that. Either way I came away from the conversation feeling like the worst person in the world and a victim at the same time.  I know he has made other friends/ contacts here besides me, so perhaps he has alienated them all acting like this.