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Guilty feeling about stopping contact...or is it justified?

Community Member


I did post a few threads late last year and earlier this year, about having broken up with a guy (not sure if he was a true 'boyfriend'- or worthy of the title), and against my better judgement and advice from everyone who replied and gave me good advice, we got back together 3 weeks after. Nothing changed (as I should have known!), and I still felt cultural differences were too big (me Aussie, he Indian). We kept it going a few months, but at the end of April he announced (a week before going!) he'd booked a flight home to India, and was staying for 5-6 weeks (only bought a 1 way ticket, said he was buying the other later).

First thing he did there was tell me could I take my WhatsApp profile picture down because everyone (friends/family) there would keep asking who I was to him (I stood firm and said no, i'm not changing it!). We sent messages for a few weeks, but then he didn't contact me for almost 3 weeks, so when he finally sent a plain old 'good morning', I didn't reply (he sent a photo a few days later, but it's been over a week since and I haven't replied), as I was disappointed to feel like I was far from his mind.

The thing I'm asking I guess is...in a situation where most things about the relationship aren't ideal, and he was on the controlling side (emotionally), and I feel like whether he knew it or not....it was all for his physical pleasure (not one bit of pleasure for me! I didn't enjoy it much)...should I feel guilty for in a way 'ending' the relationship through stopping contact without saying anything? Maybe i'm gutless....but if he can go weeks without thinking of me.....

I always feel guilty about things...probably to an unnecessary level. I should have just listened to the good advice I was given here the first time around 😞 and from family. Then I would be over this by now 😞

I also get that sad feeling looking at other couples everywhere....going to the movies, the markets, eating out together....and wonder if i'll ever have that (or if it will last.....after all, I only have one friend, and we only hang out maybe once a month, i've never had lasting friendships).

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Livm, great to have you back but under difficult circumstances.
It's easy to compare yourself with other couples going out, but your concern is how this r/ship ended, but you have to look at how he has treated you or perhaps mistreated with a lack of respect and any thought of wanting to contact you, only when it suits him.
He sounds like he was only using you, so I wouldn't feel guilty at all, because there are so many different situations in life where someone never gets back to you, it's a common occurrence, so I wouldn't feel worried at all, and have you thought about blocking his number then you won't have to worry.
Let your mind relax and settle down then someone else will come along. Geoff.

Hi livm88, as this thread is a continuation of your earlier thread, we're going to close it off and ask that you keep the old thread going.  It's much easier for everyone to keep up with the whole story and saves you (and others) having to repeat information if you keep it all to one thread:

Relationship worries (from a person who worries a lot!)...is he losing interest?

If you're involved in a situation that keeps recurring, it can also help to go back over older posts to see how you dealt with the issue previously.