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Grief and loss

Community Member


I am really struggling with the break down of yet another toxic relationship. I have co dependency issues and I panic when alone. I have never allowed myself to feel the breakdown of my marriage, loss of my kids. I just jump into another unhealthy relationship. I know my pattern of behaviour and I know it's not healthy but this fear is so overwhelming. The feeling of being alone and not having someone there.

I want to be independent, strong and do it on my own and it seems so unreachable right now..

Im barely eating or sleeping and just want this feeling of emptiness to stop


2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Lana222~

Welcome to the Forum and think that anyone who had suffered the breakdown of a marriage and loss of kids (I anthologize if I've misunderstood) is going to struggle to form relationships afterwards - after all in some ways they are threats and potential sources of pain.

As well, being in a relationship with someone that is toxic is also going to find those difficulties -so you have a double dose.

Under the circumstances it sadly happens very often that one ends up feeling worthless, that no-one will bother with one, and that one is a failure. This is a bit of human nature that is just about always completely wrong. Instead of others blaming the victim one does it to oneself.

Such things can be self-perpetuating, one poor relationship after another, and breaking that cycle is not easy. When spurred on by the fear of never finding anyone and being alone, plus for some reason the fact that getting to know poor partners can seem comfortable and familiar, then the problems happen again.

May I suggest that trying to struggle though this by yourself is exceedingly hard, and might fail? Getting the support of a councilor can be a great help - provided the two of you 'click'.

Support can also come from family members and friends, if you have anyone you trust to talk with, someone who does care.

What else? Aim high. You have a wealth of life experiencing and an insight into yourself, you also are prepared to do things to improve your life - or else you would not be here. All this is of great value. So please don't think you should accept second best. Life can show you surprises - particularly how others see you and waht you are really capable of

What do you think?


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Lana, can I welcome you to the forums.

I'm sorry that your relationship has ended but If you go into another relationship quickly after that, within a couple of weeks or even days then any trauma that has resulted in this breakup is still locked into your mind so you might see this new relationship in a similar way and have a hard time trusting them, especially for your kids if you are allowed to see them.

If you do start dating someone new too soon, you're still putting yourself at risk for developing bad dating habits, but what it shows is that you're addicted to love.

Being alone would make you feel better about yourself, and make you feel fulfilled in a way that nothing else has been able to, that's what happened to me, although you never feel as though you have accomplished enough, but that's always going to be the case.

Stop and realise that you can't all of a sudden lower my standards in order to make room for someone else, develop your own strength's that might have been pushed aside.

This will give you the chance to do what you want without caring what others think and it will also help you to find solutions to any problems that concern you.

Your GP can give you a 'mental health plan which you can use to see a psychologist, it entitles you to 10 Medicare rebates for up to 10 sessions per year.

Hope to hear back from you.