Girlfriend threatening suicide

[Babic123]

Hi all, this is my first time posting here because I really don’t have anyone else I can get help or advice from at the moment.

Over the last few weeks me and my girlfriend of 5 years (we broke up for a year then got back together) have been having some bad fights. 2 nights ago she was saying some pretty hurtful things to me so I told her I would be sitting in the lounge room and would wait until we were both calm to talk (we live in a 1 bedroom house).

She then messaged me on Facebook and said that I shouldn’t be with her if I don’t care enough to comfort her when she cries. I told her that I love her and that I would really like to talk about everything but not if she’s going to talk down to me. She said she’s just sick of this and I said I’m sick of these petty fights too.

She replied “you know where the door is” and so I told her I would go stay at my mums for the night and went to my car. As I’m driving away she calls me and says that she “doesn’t want to be here anymore” and she “can’t deal with it”

she was implying that she was going to commit suicide, which is so heartbreaking to hear because after we first broke up when we were 18 she tried to end her life and the following week wouldn’t leave the front of my mums house, we had to call her mother and she took her to the hospital for mental health issues. This messed us both up for so long and I thought she had never do or say anything like that again.

I told her that it was completely unfair to be saying that stuff to me now after everything, especially since she told me to leave and that I needed half an hour to drive by myself and think then I would come back home. She replied “if you don’t turn around now you will never see me ever again”. We hung up and she texted me “don’t bother coming home I won’t be here.”

when I got home she was hysterical, I calmed her down and we went to bed (it was 12 at night and we had work at 6 the next morning).

I didn’t know how to cope with what she had said, but I understood that this was emotional abuse and I shouldn’t have to put up with it.

I sat her down the next afternoon and told her that I couldn’t be in a relationship like this. She promised she would never say anything like it again and that she had no one else in the world if I left (which is true). After hours of her crying and me saying I had to leave I got up to pack my stuff.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Babic123,

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage.

We are so sorry to hear about what has been happening in your relationship and we unsderstand how difficulty and overwhelming this can be. 
Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you feel it may be helpful, we’d recommend you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). They can offer you support and guidance and talk things through with you. 
If you are concerned about her immediate safety then this is an emergency and you need to call 000. 

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Babic, and a warm welcome to the site and sorry that this type of emotional control has over you, and I'm not doubting the fact whether or not she loves you, but it's the advantage that's been taken over you.

Playing with your emotions, compassion, empathy and making you feel guilty into not staying in a relationship might be teasing you in a situation you have decided to leave because it can be considered emotional abuse.

By this being said to you, once or twice can certainly be genuine but to continue to use it can definitely mean she needs to get medical help and shouldn't be used as a tool, just to keep you because what does it actually mean to you, it can create a problem for you, not sure what to do.

If she is 25 years or younger she can call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online, they dress in casual clothes which tends to break down the situation, or you could advise her to visit her doctor, which is a suggestion offered to you as well.

You are not responsible for her well being, as you have packed your bags and left, but please get the support you need, and it would be great to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.