Girlfriend left me to experience new relationships and work on herself.

[EmptyMind]

Hello,

I am currently going through very tough times. I've been dating my first girlfriend for a year and about 4-6 months, and she left me two days ago. I never felt so lost and I feel like everything I do has her imprinted on it. I drove to her house the day before and slept there, we had fun, but in the morning, she told me "I don't see you the same as I used to". After a very full of crying conversation, she said that she needed to find what she wanted and that she wanted to experience new things and not be tied to a committed relationship while being still young. One example of this is when she went to a party and everyone but herself were making out, which I think was a good thing commitment wise but she did not see it the same way.
I understand her view point, but the problem is that herself seems confused about her wants and needs. She still loves me. A major problem that leads to an added confusion is that she wants to call it a break, but isn't sure whether she'll come back or not. I honestly don't think she would, if her goal is to go out and have new sexual experiences. This Weekend (as this post comes out tomorrow), she has a friend meet up which very likely will have alcohol, so in my mind, I can only imagine that she will start her new experiences then (which she missed out on her party last time).

I am confused, lost, empty, I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to go to work. I love to have someone to text after a long day and tell them about how work was and that I love her and stuff like this.

I love her. I only wish I can go back in time and try to make it even better. We had the nearest (but not) to a perfect relationship that I could've had. The only exception being sexually but I'll spare details. I do not want her gone, and I want her with me. I'm not the most attractive guy that people would know while she is very attractive. She's also unique in the way that she is playful and yet can be serious, and I seriously feel like no one will have the type of personality like she does. I want her with me. It's hard as a first IRL breakup, and I feel like doing nothing, just sit on my bed. I lost appetite (which is normal usually after serious breakups), I want to end it all but I won't.

She wants to stay close friends, but I have no idea if it will ever work. The one thing we shared which is intimacy is gone, and I can't talk to her about the same things anymore.

Any tips to get better would be appreciated. Thanks.

PS: 17M -18F

[Sophie_M]

Hi EmptyMind,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning. What's happened with your girlfriend sounds confusing and overwhelming. It's understandable you're struggling at the moment. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you.  Our Support Service is worried about you and has reached out via email. We hope you know that there is always support available, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 224 636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Be kind to yourself at this time and keep checking back in with us

[Croix]

Dear EmptyMind~

The first serious relationship you have with another is something very special and stays in your mind. I still remember mine, which also broke up. At the time I was so hurt I was desperate and simply did not know what to do. Later I had another relationship and the first, while clear in my mind, did not hurt, more just regret.

At 18 a person is still finding out about themselves, as you are at 17. This can easily mean that current life might not seem enough, or that other things might be better, so people split apart. It can be with the intention of resuming, or not. Even if the intention to return is present there are so many other things one experiences the getting back together is possible, but may not happen.

Wanting to remain close freinds is something many say, and genuinely mean, however as you already know it is not the same, and may simply be a constant reminder you can do without. It also probably means she does not realise how much she can hurt others, something one learns as one grows.

What to do?

All I can suggest is what I did, which was after a few days simply try to resume my normal life - even though it seemed empty - and also my social life, talking wiht others and in time maybe finding a date.

If you find you are getting overwhelmed or frightened of what you might do Sophie_M has given good advice, in ringing the Suicide Call Back Service. They are knowledgeably, caring and competent, they are very used to these sorts of situations.

Can I ask if you have a family member or good friend you can share this with? Just to be able to talk frankly about your feelings, they listen and care, (no need to do anything else)? It makes a big difference not facing this on your own.

You are welcome here anytime

Croix

[geoff]

Hello EmptyMind, many thanks for posting your comment, because anyone at your age 17 to 18, love becomes much more serious than when you were younger, but it starts to involve many other important issues, the legal age to drink, drive a car and able to make decisions that once before had to be made by your parents, so it takes on a completely different and maybe complex atmosphere, however, this doesn't stop the wallings of distress.

It's always sad and painful to lose someone you love when all they want is to experience life away from you, because it hurts when you see them enjoying themselves with another person, that's what hurts the most.

Relationships with whom we believe would be our perfect partner at a young age come and go, and there will be times when you're so upset you can't get out of bed, but how can I explain being elderly, is that there have probably been other girls who only wished you were single because they had their eye on you specifically.

The friendship between the two of you will slowly fade, you will have other distractions and people to love who won't agree to you talking with her, so your interests will grow in other directions.

No one who is perfect for you at a young age doesn't mean you'll be together in 20 years, go and explore those waiting for you.

Geoff.