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GF left with no warning. Looking for some advice.
It sounds like you have deep feelings in this situation, but the kind of support she wants, has and needs are different things. Because you two were close that may inhibit some of the types of support that you can provide.
That might sound silly but people have different conversations with their family from their friends and their mates.
If you want to help and they have said they want the romantic aspect of the relationship to end then taking that step back from partner to friend and just asking if they want to have coffee out some time may be the best thing you can offer, for both of you.
Having a neutral setting to just catch up, don't go in with expectations of chocolate hearts. Be you.
In the mean time, having a chat with the people on the BeyondBlue Helpline about how you are feeling in the situation may help you get some of the weight off your chest.
I am sorry to hear of your situation and it must be tough to experience a loss of a partner through the end of a relationship. You sound like a sweetie, very caring, supportive, loving and very compassionate.
Know that this is not about you friend. Know that your friend may either not be ready to be in a relationship with you or that they may want to be with others.
The most important thing is that you focus on looking after yourself and please continue to be that caring and loving person you are because they are the real relationship qualities and I really hope you find someone who captured the goodness in you.
I can tell you have deep feelings for this girl and her personal challenges. Sometimes it's helpful to just be there for someone without having any expectations. You are helping by just being accessible to her, but in saying that, it's important to move on with your life also and if you're struggling with that, then they best you can do is speak to a professional. Breakups are rarely easy, and our hearts can be broken quite easily. I do want you to know that those with best intentions and love for others will always find their way in the end. What you have to give is special, because you care for her above simply ditching her and moving on. This shows courage and strength, but that comes at a risk of losing yourself - take it from someone that knows. I'm experiencing a similar thing at the moment - it came out of the blue. It's really not easy and there is no simple fix.
My advice: Put the offer out there to keep in contact, every now and then offer to catch up for coffee if you feel like it. Protect your own feelings though, there is nothing selfish about that. Every day you wonder "what if" is another day that you're looking backwards instead of forwards. Her circumstances will change and so will yours. You may reconnect in the future, but I recommend not chasing it. I also recommend to let her find the help she needs. If she comes to you for help, know how to refer her to someone that is qualified. You aren't responsibly for her mental well being.
Thank you all for your kind words, I really do care about her, she is one of a kind.
Im trying the time and space thing, it’s just not easy to do. I struggle being on the sidelines when people I care about are hurting. My biggest thing is I have an amazing support network, my friends are my rocks and all know what’s going on with me and are supporting me like no end. Hers isn’t as good. She works in retail and they are a lot younger and in different stages of life. I was her rock and she told me that at one point as well.
im going to try and do what you have all recommended but the worry and love won’t go away I know that.
so thank you all of you you have definitely helped.