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Gf cheated

Tank103
Community Member

My live in gf of 4 years had been sexting and possibly cheating with at least 4 men during our relationship...I caught her sexting pics to one of her ex bf 3 months before our break..her excuse alchohol...after our break I learned she confessed to cheating for 6months prior to break with one she picked up off park bench..that ended a month after our break and imeadiately afterward 6 weeks after our break she entered into a relationship with an aquaintance who has also been on her facebook page the whole 4 years..she denied cheating with him but deliberately posted pics on public social media.i was informed by her friends..

..I've initiated indefinite no contact from her and her friends ..blocked social media..but the humiliation of her cheating and her new relationship is difficult to live with...I have the what was wrong with me syndrome going because her new man is obese whilst I'm slim and somewhat athletic...she is very attractive and slim 

 

11 Replies 11

Tank103
Community Member
I'd like to add she may have been slightly bpd ...she was very verbally abusive during relationship..had no remorse after confession and she didn't freely admit to cheating I had to dig for truth..she never apologised never asked for forgiveness she not so much as one tear ...in the end she was stone cold and emotionless..she said I was not worth the financial convienience...that my hobbies are an embarrassment...that I domt understand women...that I will never find better than her....not sure if she is bpd narcissistic or sociopath but I'm sure she is not well 

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Tank 103,

It is really hard to understand and comprehend why people do lots of things. I don't know you or your ex girl friend at all, so can't judge or make assumptions. It seems like your ex likes to flirt with guys!

The reasons for this? Who knows. There could be hundreds of reasons why she behaves the way she does.

The thing for you  now is to realise her behaviour has nothing to do with you, in that fact that she has the behaviour problem/issue, and nothing you have done or said has made her this way.

Maybe she just likes guys and can't settle to having one boyfriend at a time. Maybe she likes the attention. Maybe she has underlying issues even she isn't aware of. Maybe she enjoys living like this. I don't know!

Try to let go of the hurt and humiliation and hopefully your next girlfriend will be more appreciative of you as a person.

Hope this has helped a little. From Mrs. Dools

Geekaboo
Community Member

Hi Tank.

If it helps I'm going through a similiar situation. My ex was quite candid about his sexual appetite and openly chased other women while I tried to be understanding. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but your ex obviously thrives on the thrill or the attention, who knows. I try to tell myself every day that people like us will find love because that's what we're looking for, people like that will surely find their immediate thrills of sex or drama but that never lasts.

Keep your head up. Don't focus on what's wrong with her, focus on yourself - not saying there's anything wrong with you but breakups hurt, obviously this is part of you working through it so just keep that in mind and look to the future.

Best of luck

Tank103
Community Member

Yeah she was promiscus before I met her..I knew something wasn't right on our first date so I deleted her number but 2 weeks later she chased me and I explained I wanted a monogamous relationship and she agreed..she told me about her past 13 boyfriends 4 of which were relationships the longest of which was 15 years (father of her kids) the other longest was 2 years..

 what hurts the most is after her cheating and confession and despite  her knowing I was hurting and knowing she did wrong she instead of taking time out to think things thru jumped imeadiately into relationship with someone I know...posting the pics.

i know it was her choice to cheat and her choice to enter into relationship..our relationship died cause her kids hated me especially the daughter the unhappier they got the unhappier she got the further away she went the cheating was so she wouldn't be alone after the breakup which happend when daughter had fit after I ate something she wanted but we had agreed she move out a month earlier but I guees she knew she was going to break up and wanted to get all her men in a row she had 4 ready to go in first 6 weeks.

 its been 7 months doesn't hurt as bad but the thoughts won't stop..I make an effort to avoid places where I think they will be couldn't bear to see her and the obese guy together 

just need time

 btw my first wife cheated to with a friend can't help but wonder eh if maybe I'm broken too 

Tank103
Community Member

I know I shouldn't but I envy them both her for letting me go so quick and finding love under her nose while im left to rebuild myself and wait for a significant other..him because hes making love to a woman I loved very much..she would always sneak off to chat with him and often he was where we were so perhaps they are meant for eachother and we were not..

ive hit the gym again..bought a Harley Davidson and making new friends whilst letting go of our mutual friends..i stay away from places she and he may frequent and hope to god I never ever lay eyes on either of them again..

whilst doing all this im re evaluating my role in my behaviours that may have contributed to  the breakup so it doesn't happen a third time and also studying up on women with BPD narcissists and sociopaths that way I recognize them before I get involved

Hi Tanked,

I like the last paragraph you sent to Geekaboo where you wrote you are reading up on women with BPD, Narcissists and sociopaths so you will recognise them before you become involved with them. Ha. Ha.

I too actually suffer from BPD but thankfully I have managed to control a lot of the negative side effects of that illness. Thanks to lots of information I've read and learnt, I don't think I'm doing too badly.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 26 years so something must be working!

Good on you for returning to the gym, finding other distractions and being prepared to think about how you act and think. Sometimes we don't even realise we have a quirk or way of thinking which may upset others.

I hope you find a woman whom you can love and cherish and she feels the same way about you.

From Mrs. Dools

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

dear Tank, thanks for opening up to us.

Well I can only say one thing, that any male or female who cheats behind their partners back, and the number of times she has, is that they are not worthy to be in a relationship, and as all the odds were stacked up against you with her daughter not liking you, there is no possible chance that this would ever work out.

OK she maybe sick, which I'm sorry for her, and if so she needs help, otherwise she will go through life winning and losing so many relationships, but never the less it will take an enormous amount of effort and time to overcome this, and what I can see happening is that there will be a physical altercation between two of her friends.

Take care and let us know how you get on. Geoff.

Tank103
Community Member

@Geoff

 "OK she maybe sick, which I'm sorry for her"  she told me after breakup she may have bowel cancer..she said she deserved it..so full of self hate..cant say I pitty her it was a choice not a mistake as she claims she knew what she was doing was wrong and did it anyway expecting not to get caught.

 " physical altercation between two of her friends."  odd you say this as it was 2 of her friends that informed me of her new relationship with our acquaintance  after imeadiately after the cheater..they were disgusted she entered into a relationship so soon without self examination first. 

 " it will take an enormous amount of effort and time to overcome this,"  are you referring to me here ?

Geoff if I never checked her phone acct a month after our break I never would have know about all the men and I only did so because the excuses for the break were lame.. " I was too clean..my home to modern..i didn't drink..and the daughter"  then she went onto say we would have broken up even if we didn't live together ? so how could it have been my home or my cleanliness ?

she also said "your not who I thought you were"  I take that to imply I was not who she wanted me to be ??

..she never loved me her statement "im not worth the financial convienience " proves this.

she left me for sex of that im sure now..she liked it dirty and I wasn't up to the task she got bored

 

 

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

dear Tank, thanks for replying, so can I just clear up a few points here.

Do you believe what she says about having bowel cancer, I hope she doesn't, but she has lied about cheating, and the 'physical altercation between two of her friends' didn't come through as what I was meaning.

What I was referring to was if she has two boyfriends on the side and one of them finds out about the other chap then there is a chance that there could be a brawl out of jealousy.

The other statement ' enormous amount of effort and time to overcome this' is certainly not referring to you, it's in regard to her, in that she wants to see another guy at the drop of a hat, so how is able to stop doing this or being able to overcome it all.

I hope this clarifies my reply but please if you have another comment or query please get back to me. Geoff.