getting tired of everything

[theguy]

hey its my first post and here goes my issues

as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my family(i was the bright one) but before i knew it i actually start feeling insecure, not good enough and people will know i am just a fake. its been really hard lately i have started smoking weed as people from my work do and thats only social life i have(i moved to australia two years ago). i pretty much have to otherwise there is nothing else to do. i am not that bright anymore i suck at worst of things. i am last person to think that i would end up this way. i did try to force myself to go up and back to nirmal but it didn't work. i am back in depression i think. i am tired of trying so much for so long. my visa will end next year and i still dont have any plans for the future.

i said no to my boss at work for covering shift as i had plans with my friend and we talked about not working but he cancelled on me and and went on the shift instead of me. i feel like an idiot. so i ended up smoking weed by myself(first time to do myself). i dont know how am i going to work now?

i am avoiding responsibilities lately as i have two bikes i wanna sell one as i need the money but not making enough efforts. i need to learn how to cook for my future but cant be bothered to put the effort in. i have to pay college next month but have no plans about coming up with the money. i am pretty much scre### but cant be bothered to do anything about it.

any help, advice is greatly appreciated

btw i am male 22 years old if that helps in better understanding of the situation.

[geoff]

hello, I'm sorry to hear what you have told us, because it seems as though everything is just going around in circles not for the good but for the worse, and hoping that the weed will be able to get you through all of this, well it will but this will only be temporary, and what it will also do is make everything confusing.
I have said this because I drank alcohol from early morning to when I flaked and realised that all my thoughts were going in all different directions.
If you had continually put yourself down will only create a low self esteem so then your journey towards depression will begin, only because what you say will make you believe that you're no good any more, so it is going to be difficult to make yourself overcome these thoughts, because you have nothing that will stimulate you, and no the weed won't even do this, all it will do is make you high, but the problem will still be there.
Can you tell me if you enjoy going to college or is this another hassle, and if so then I would suggest you postpone college, then sell your bikes or get someone to help you do this, but not waste this money on buying weed, because if you do then that's lost money which could be used in a far better way.
You need to go and see your doctor and just tell them that you don't want to do anything and suggest that you feel you could have depression.
I would google the K-10 test which will give you a score on how you are feeling, and take this score to the doctors. Geoff.