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Getting married was my biggest mistake

Community Member


I just got married less than a year ago & I constantly think that I made the biggest mistake. I hate so many things about
him and the life that he has given me. More than anything else I hate
his family, I hate how he misled me about how condescending,
nosy and demanding they are. They think they are entitled to be part of every
single decision we make in our life and they want to assure their opinion is
heard and followed pronto. Yet, they feel like they have no
responsibilities with anything and if they do the smallest help it has to be
acknowledged and praised in the eye of everyone. I hate that he thinks
this is alright. I hate that he used to tell me they are biggest spenders alive and yet during my wedding I saw the real face of
each and every one of them. I hated how cheaply they celebrated my day and
how they minimised their expenses in every way possible. I hate that I have
invested way more than he has, in this life. I hate that he sits home
scratching his balls, trying to get healthier and better while I have to slave
away in a job that I hate just to pay rent and bills. And yet his arrogant
family finds a way to talk about their opinion regarding how we should have
stayed in Melbourne blah blah blah. I hate that they have no shame. I hate that
he is so lazy. He is not trying to find a job at all. He is living his life
waiting for his big break while someone else is busting her ass to pay for
everything. This was not the life I expected. I keep thinking I made a mistake.
I rushed through everything just coz I had a dying grandfather who wanted
to see me married. I had to compromise and now I feel like it did not worth it. If I would see how
lazy ass and unmotivated and useless he is I would dump him now. Instead of
being stock to someone that I can barely even remember why I loved in the first
place. I feel trapped. And I feel no way out. I try staying positive telling
myself that it is all gonna get better when he finds a job and I get a break
from this overwhelming life. But I don’t even see that happening any time soon.
He’s a useless piece of shit that I tied my life to forever L . and now complication
of cutting him out of my life is way worse that it would be had us not gotten
married. I dunno what to do. I hate the sight of him. I don’t wanna talk to him
coz his responses are more like excuses. I seriously don’t love him anymore.
I have nothing left no passion no hope and no happiness. And I resent him for it every single second…

8 Replies 8

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


Welcome to the BB forums. I feel bad that you are having to go through the proverbial seven year itch so soon in your marriage; particularly when many couples would still be in the "honeymoon" period of new love.

Insofar are your hubby thinking there is nothing wrong with his family's behaviour is largely due to that their behaviour has always been like this for him and this is his understanding of 'normal' in his family. But, fo you, their behaviour is completely foreign and unlike the way your family behaves and therefore abnormal. I'm not trying to justify their behavior, rather just help you view it from a different perspective.

Aside from his family, it seems as though there are some deep rooted regrets in your relationship. May I ask: how long was your engagement/dating period before you married? Reason I ask is that I am wondering if any of these regrets where present before you wed, but ignored for one reason or another.

I am going to give you the same advice that I give my adult aged children: I want you to seriously consider the hypothetical scenario of breaking up. As part of this consideration, you are to make two lists: First all of the good things that you will "miss out on" when s/he is no longer part of your life; and the second all of the things that you will miss out on if you stay together.

In this instance it is not the size of the list that is your deciding factor, rather it is:
Whether you chose to break up or stay together, are you prepared to forego all of the good items that you associated with that decision.

In other words, I think it is more important that instead of looking at how green the grass might be on that side of the fence, we ought to consider how comfortable the brown grass is on our side. Breakups are never truly about what we might win, but being comfortable with what we will lose.


Community Member
I sense a lot of blame and contempt, but you need to take ownership too. What's stopping you from leaving him? We all make mistakes, some pretty big ones. So there's always a way out. If my wife felt that way about me I'd want to know it. It's up to him to listen. It's up to you to take action regarding your happiness

Community Member

Hello Memol,

I just want to say that I am sorry, I can feel the disappointment and anger in your words. I just want to give you a big hug or something. And everybody wants to be loved and to give out love and be happy in their marriage. And yours is perhaps not what you expected at the moment. Maybe I can sense you are hurting as well, under all that anger. I am no expert in this, but I am learning stuff in my own marriage. Anyway I recommend perhaps just wait to you cool down some, before making any logical decisions. Hope you don't mind me saying that or anything?

Did it help you any to express all your thoughts and feelings on here? I think you did great to express it all on here. Sort of an outlet for your emotions there.

And we're you close to your Grandad? I am sorry for your lost there too

I care

Shell xx

Thank you very much for your reply. It is really helpful to look at it from a different angel .

When my judgment is not clouded by anger and pain I try my best to comprehend other's stand points. However, when it comes to his family what annoys me even more than their snooping and over involvement is the fact that it's not a two way street. So they get to tell everyone what their opinion is and how every single personal decision must be made yet no one is allowed to make the tinniest comment about their way of doings. and They are in fact offended if someone treats them as they are treating others. I find this hypocrisy extremely agitating not on their part of course, on the hubby's part.

Absolutely. We were dating for 6 years and been married for 10 months now. and My honeymoon period was literally just the 10 days of my honeymoon... That is actually true, part of my anger is rooted in the fact that I had my suspicion but decided to act otherwise due to circumstances. I'm mad at myself more than I'm mad at him. I shared all my worries wiv him and he assured me I was wrong, that he CAN be responsible and he would not let anyone make decisions for us. 10 months in and none of his promises came true. He keeps making excuses blaming everything on outside factors, and this childishness is feeding my anger even more. I see him as a liar now, I don't trust his words and I do not count him at all and I hate the fact that I have to take care of him as well. I usually make informed decisions, and I keep blaming myself for letting circumstances into my, perhaps, the most important decision of the entire life.

Making a list is a really good idea, when I'm not resenting him for everything that has gone wrong and all the promises that he hasn't kept, I actually do see glimpse of the loving and comforting nature I fell in love with for couple of seconds. I am not strong enough to wait for this storm to pass I guess. This is a true struggle. I was not ready for this. I did not go into the marriage expecting it would be roses and champagne every night but I expected more. I wanted to gain a partner. Not a hopeless mess.

Apollo Black

Thank you for ur response. Well if I was clear about whether breaking up was the right choice, I would have left a couple of months ago. It is not as plain as that, I understand that a marriage takes work. I am tired of being the only who is making sacrifices though. I feel outrageous by the fact that he is just pretending to work towards this. I hate that I can't trust him anymore, his words and promises are worthless to me. and this is on it's own painful.

Community Member


Thank you!. I smiled while reading your comment. Thank you for your kind words.

That's where all my strength is going towards right now. To stay calm, to not loose the sight of facts, to not let emotions run my brain. But I am hurting, I am not as strong as I'd like to be.

It did help sharing these thoughts actually. I have not shared these with anyone. Having them shared gave me a better perspective and maybe a bit more time.

A lot has changed in less than a year. I lost someone close to my heart. I have a very small family so he was really significant to me. I still have not really accepted the fact that he's gone. Deep down I think that he's gone travelling and he's happy and healthy and he'll be back someday.

I'm at a stage that I have no choice but to be strong... And these are the years that I'm supposed to not have a care in the world . I can't imagine how much worse it can get really...

Community Member

Hi Memol. I can really relate to where you are coming from with your strong feelings about hubby and family. Can I ask is he the only child/son? Do you have children together? I left my hubby after 25 years at the end of last year. No children together. If you really feel there is not going to be any changes in him or your feelings, you need to start looking at your own peace of mind. There are times when you see the man you fell in love with and married, those 'glimpses' are just that, glimpses. If they are only momentary and for the most part, not there, then it's time to start realizing things are not going to change. Only you can make the changes you need to make to be happy. Subdued Blues made the same points that were made to me when I was where you are. To him, his family is 'normal', why should they change. He has not changed, either, your feelings have. Since leaving my ex, I have found peace, my life is now mine. I was scared to leave after 25 years. However, staying was no longer an option. I knew if I stayed, everything would remain, I couldn't stay, things would not change, therefore I had to. At first - yes, I missed him, then I realized I missed the company he had provided. I too hated him, his family everything. I no longer have that strong intense dislike, I actually find I feel sorry for both of us, more him, he is lonely, but he chose to be the person he was. People make choices about how they want to live. We were totally, completely mismatched. I do have someone else in my life, neither of us want to commit. I am in no hurry, I'm more than happy where I am in my life. I needed to find me before I could move on. I'm still finding myself, but I am happier because I can now choose. The man I have since met made the point that the only people who can change is those who want to.


Community Member

Lets say you divorced him

What do you reckon will happen?

Also, my mom experienced this once. she got married and was with him for 6 or so months. once the knot was tied. the gorgeous courageous man she fell in love with. became the biggest slob and manipulatinf . She divorced him. and met my dad and now im here ahaha.

But yeah. my mom once told me. You dont get everything right the first time, you can always try again.

The only thing that I can currently think of that is stopping you from breaking up is that religion is involved on either side