Frustrated married to emotionally stunted man

[toscanini]

After 50 years ( don't laugh) I realise my husband is emotionally immature. It's so frustrating for me. I have spoken to my Dr. and he is setting up a plan so that I can see a psychologist.

[white knight]

Hi , welcome

A good topic as I was emotionally immature regardless of working in high responsible jobs like RAAF, warder at 31yo, etc...it was like if my emotional side wasnt required I was fine.

If your husband is found/confirmed as having a medical diagnosis then that part of him is unwell. Not unlike a phydical disability he needs treatment and just as important he needs support from yourself if.....he embraces treatment

The problem will manifest if he goes into denial or gives up on his journey to recovery because you will be the one to take the burden.

I wish you well.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi toscanini

As you can imagine, a lack of emotional development can come about for many reasons. Whether folk have simply avoided many of the challenges that come with emotional growth or there is something more obvious that relates to emotional differences, like Asperger's syndrome for example, not fully understanding other's behaviours can be frustrating.

It's in recent years that my brother has reached the conclusion that our dad has a degree of Asperger's. Dad definitely fits the criteria on so many levels. Pretty much anyone who knows him has had a 'Wow, yeah' response. My mum experienced a lot of challenges in the marriage before my parents finally split a couple of decades ago. They're both in their 80s now. It's definitely a massive challenge when we're not on the same page, emotionally, with our partners.

It's good you're going to see someone who can help you manage where to go to from here, regarding your own well-being. Other people's behaviour can definitely shape us to varying degrees, therefor it becomes important that we don't lose touch with our most authentic self.

Take care of yourself toscanini

[Doolhof]

Hi toscanini,

Welcome to the community here. It may be difficult for your husband to make any changes to who he is, so are there ways you can accept what you now see in him and not focus on what you may find as a problem or as a possible deficiency?

I have various mental health issues as does my husband who also has mild Asperger's. Over the decades we have bounced off each other, let each other down and somehow have managed to accept the way we are.

When I was battling the differences in us and not accepting a husband as he was because I wanted someone different, I was making myself miserable!

Sometimes acceptance is difficult. I do find it helpful.

Are there things about your husband that you do like? Things about yourself?

I've also learnt that regrets just grow bitterness, sadness and discontent.

Wishing you all the best and hope you find ways to enjoy each day.

Cheers from Dools