Friends forever?

[PBelle]

So I would like to ask my fellow anxiety sufferers for some advice. I have a long time friend and used to chat everyday. This year, he went through some stuff and needed privacy, but me and my anxiety took over and I constantly asked him if he was ok and to contact me just to let me know that he was ok. This went on for months cause I was so worried. He never responded, but I kept going cause I was so stubborn, thinking that he would finally tell me. I joined Facebook and sent him a friend request and he declined. That was when it hit me that he didn't want to talk to me. I started no contact and went a couple of weeks before contacting him. Then a month. Still nothing. This friendship is worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up. I'm trying 3 weeks and are at day 5. I'm planning to call him and do small talk, not mentioning asking for forgiveness cause i have so many times. Any advice? This person means so much to me and I have always confided my troubles to him. So he knows I had issues, but have I gone to far this time? Can I fix the friendship with time and patience?

[Croix]

Dear PBelle~

I'd like to welcome oyu here to the Forum. As someone else that has anxiety I can relate to what you are going through however I'm not sure you are on the right track.

You had a lot of contact with this person in the past, but for whatever reason he indicated he did not want to continue. Despite all your attempts at contact he has not replied, and has now declined a friend request.

A friendship is a two-way thing with both persons seeking out each other and being pleased to be in contact. It looks to me like this is not the case here now, even if it used to be. Not even a question of normal imbalance, with one contacting more than the other. You have attempted contact umpteen times , with no attempts from him, and have firstly been ignored and now rejected.

I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like the friendship is over and there is nothing to be done. If at some time in the future he were to contact you that might be different but until then, if it was me, I'd develop other social interests instead.

One of the misleading things that can happen if one reveals a great deal about oneself to another is that one can come to believe the relationship is deeper than it is. This makes it all the harder to adapt when the friendship finishes.

I'm sorry I don't have better news.

Croix

[PBelle]

I understand what your saying and I do think that I have been on the wrong track and that's why I still have hope. It isn't just a close friendship, but basically we both see each other as family. And we both chatted the same amount to each other, it was never one sided. And he is a very private person and we both confided secrets. That is just the short version of what we used to have. Then my anxiety took over and I got emotional cause I was burnt out at work, not fun at all. And at the same time, he went through a very personal matter and he closed to everyone around him. he went into hiding and that's when I began asking him for contact. I just invaded his personal space too much. It hasn't been the first time that he closed himself away from the world due to a personal issue, but he has always come back with time. I'm just hoping that by giving him space and time that he may come around to speaking to me again. I was hoping that by calling him for his birthday, that he can see that i'm not that emotional person that he last saw and remember the fun person that he has known for years. And by speaking to him as supposed to sending emails or texts, that my voice will show that I am happier and be friends again. I have to keep positive that it will again. And by using small talk that it would give a basis on which to start again as supposed to me bringing up what I have been saying. I would never be able to forgive myself or move on if it didn't because I would know that I was to blame. It would always be there in the back of my head. Speaking to other people, they think giving time, there is a chance .I have to have hope that we can work this out. Friendships always have ups and downs and it can make friendships stronger, I just hope that can happen with me.

[Guest_1584]

l think you've contacted him way way too much , l went through very similar with my best friend and if l was you l'd just stay away from him for a few mths, just leave him be ,nothing.

And my guess is when his gotten through his stuff he'll probably let you know,l don;t think the friendship will be lost , hopefully he just needs he's space right now.

This mate of mine, he's in the states right now so we'd email most days , mostly about women haha, but all sorts of other crapola too.

suddenly he said similar and disappeared , nothing. Sent him a couple of g'days and l hope everythings alright , nothin. So l left him too it.

3mths later l get a call from him apologizing but he just had a lot on and needed some space to sort through some personal things, He's been good as gold since.

[Croix]

Dear PBelle~

I guess as the person on the spot you have a better feel for the situation. Maybe it depends how one-sided things were before he broke off.

Voice is a good way to try, and also being light. As Randomx says people do break away for a while.

I do hope that is the case here

Croix

[cookyboy12]

Hi PBelle, I'm going through this with a close cousin of mine, except a couple of months ago I had a big fight with him. I won't go into the details but I've had a falling out with him before and in time we've began contact again. I know how hard it is to wait out but it's important that you look after you. Says me lol. But focus on those who have a two-way friendship with you.