Friends and Exes

[rb26]

So I have this friend who is CONSTANTLY flirting with my ex, and we just broke up in January. She never asked me if I was doing well after the breakup and never spoke about her feelings towards him. I used to consider her one of my best friends but this is super confusing and new things I’ve found out about her have made me realise she’s not the best person. What do I do? I don’t know how to cut her off.

[WaterFront]

Hi rb26,

Have you tried speaking to your friend and explaining to her how her actions are affecting you? She may not realise your feelings in relation to your ex, or why her behaviours might cause you difficulty.

Also, I'm not sure you should necessarily believe what others tell you without verifying it for yourself. It may just be a misunderstanding, though again it may not. And particularly because you are finding the situation confusing. If it were me, I would talk to her in a safe and calm environment, without being accusatory. Find out the facts.

Then, you can decide whether you want to continue being friends with her. I think you should tell a person you need a break and the reasons why, as just ignoring/ghosting can be quite damaging to them. It also leaves the door open for the future if you decide you want to be friends again.

I'm not an expert, I'm sharing my thoughts for you to consider.

I hope it works out for you.

WaterFront

[rb26]

Hi WaterFront!

Thank you for replying 🙂 The things I found out were things I found myself. I am a true believer of change and giving second chances because love and showing understanding can heal people. But she has lied about so many aspects of her life and has gaslighted my friends as well as me. Ghosting can hurt but my friends and I have given her multiple chances to come clean.

She too has an ex who she was very close to and she got upset when her close friend, from another school, got close to him. If she was truely unaware of her actions, she wouldn’t hide the fact that she goes to get coffee with him in the mornings. It’s a very odd situation.

Thanks,

rb26