Friend Issues

[MissMc]

Hi

I have a female friend which I work with and DID class her as a sister cause we became very close due to both being born on the same day in the same hospital etc ....

I have now deleted her off Facebook and blocked her from messenger ... we both communicate on messenger about work issues etc .... but cause I didn't reply to one of her messages she thought it was her right to rip through me over it and this has happened on a number of occasions with me having lunch with fellow work collegues and she found out and again I receive a message saying HOW WAS LUNCH .... I get that this is jealousy on her part but why personally attack me over it?.....

I replyed to her message the other day saying to her BACK DOWN AND STOP GETTING UPSET OVER MINNOR THINGS!!!# ..... well did she loose her shit!..... can not believe this is all over a message I didn't reply to.... as this friend tends to be selfish and self centred and all about her, I accepted that as part of her friendship, she also threatened me not to message me again and I thoughts fine and that didn't upset me at all, but her behaviour? and she has breakfast with a fellow workmate every sat, do I get upset over that? NO zero care factor as its between her and her!....

I have not spoken to her @work and I will continue not to as I thinks she is TOXIC? & she always playes the victim as before I deleted her off FB she put in one of her post about " why do so called friends make her fell bad about herself" ????????.... I have confided to her abouts my Depression and now I'm regreting it!..... not sure if she will repeat it to others @work or not?..... the reason why I don't talk to her anymore is I'm protecting myself as I don't need people like her in my life!

Just don't understand her behaviour at all?????

[MsPurple]

Hi MissMc and sorry to hear about your friendship. I recently went through a friendship break up over something petty as well. I found it really hard because, although she was a relatively new friend, we had become really close. I found it almost worst than a break up. She sent me a horrible message and I replied saying something genuinely nice (not sarcasm or anything) and she blocked me on fb. I haven't tried text her since my last message because I at least know my last words were nice.I need to take care of myself and I like you I felt like if that's how it is going to be from now on than it is a toxic friendship for me to be in.

Sounds like she has some insecurity as well. This maybe why she lashed out at you over a friend going out to lunch without you. It's frustrating that she doesn't see how silly it is to have an argument over you both engaging with others not together. Did you point out to her that she sees work collegues without you also? I talked to another friend about my friendship breakup and she let me know she went through something similar as well. It was really good to talk to someone about it (maybe not a friend who is also friends with the person and unmutal friend as I think it is called) as they can make you feel better about it and less alone. I also talked to my psychologist about it. I felt like a weight had been lifted after that session. She put everything into perspective. I don't know how she did it but I felt so good after that session.

Unfortunately I don't understand your friends behaviour. But you shouldn't be friends with someone that you think is toxic or someone you can't have open communication with. Friends understand that you hang out with other friends without you. If you didn't you'd be with them all the time which isn't healthy for any friendship. If you want to try work this friendship out I would suggest trying to talk to her in person. Get a coffee somewhere and just chat. If you feel like the friendship is over maybe go talk to someone about it. It can really behelpful. You can't change others behaviour, so you can't blame yourself. You need to know your own worth.

Hope some of this has been helpful. Sorry if I rambled a bit

[MissMc]

thanks MsPurple

I have on a number of occasions asked this friend to lunch on a Monday cause she has Mondays off and every time she makes excuses up?.... so I have not bothered anymore .... And mind you I have suggested this so she doesn't feel excluded ..... BUT!!!!! no effort no ask!!!! and yet she blows up about me having lunch with others?....

I know she has major issues, but its NO excuse to rip into me over something so minor and I tried to explain to her on FB about the missed message but NO went on like a pork chop and saying shes the victim? and then to say to me my moods make her dizzy and when I told her shes getting upset, she wouldn't even accept that?

I know I have made the right decision to cut the friendship ties but its her that worries me as she tends to sook about issues for days and days, trust me I know her and cries and carry on"s to get attention to feel better!

And yet I just move and get on with my life not gaining any sympathy etc !

This friend thinks its ok to treat someone like crap and them plays the victim? and mind you she has as ive said before its No 6 times she has done this to me, not fair at all! but she does't seem to understand her wrong doings? Its like she wear's blinkers? its her and that's that# and when I stuck up for myself and wasn't going to tolerate her bad behaviour, once again she's not in the wrong?

[MsPurple]

HI MissMc

I understand completely. I know someone like that. I understand if you feel the need to no longer be close friends. You can still be aquitences if you think this would be good. You can still even be friends, but you need to be weary that is what they do and try not take it personally. Sometimes they change but this takes a long time.

How are you coping with all this? You have done all you can. You have tried reaching out to them, you have tried talking to them. That is all you can do. Sometimes people will only accept they are right and everyone else is wrong. Some people can't see that two parties can be partly at fault. Sometimes they just want to blame the world for their problems and not try and fix it for themselves.

[MissMc]

Hi Ms Purple

I total agree with what you said ive done all I can and have decided to let it be with this exfriend as I don't thinks she's worth the worry, friends come & go and to be honest my conscious is clear and not sure about her's though? and seriously not my problem, she has to live with that!

I do thinks its about control and thinks she wants to control me ( yeah/not gunna happen ) not my problem she can not handle me being socialable with others from work etc its NOT a popularity contest!# ..... I'm seeing my therapist on the 1st Dec and going to talk to her about this matter and I know I'm NOT the one with the problem SHE IS!#

Just some people are in need of help themselves but choose not to get it ...... or they turn a blind eye!#