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Fractured relationship with father

Community Member

Hi, I’m new to beyondblue forums so please be kind.

About me: I’m in my late 20s, I work full-time in a job I enjoy, I live at home with my parents (still depend) and have saved a house deposit. I’m very introverted don’t have friends / girlfriend or a social life. My interest are the gym, video games, tech.
Since adolescence I have suffered from debilitating social anxiety which left me becoming house bound, though over the years I still managed to (catch train and bus and drive) to TAFE to study IT, then some university and after drifting for a while between courses, I tried a Trade (3 and half years ago) and have never looked back, I’m well liked by my work bosses and I’m dedicated to my work been told I’m a real asset.

Because I have been housebound and spent a lot of time being alone due to (social anxiety), isolation etc I have never had girlfriend my dad and estranged socially outgoing brother have labelled me GAY. They have called me this for years. My brother told this to everyone of his girlfriend/s, spreading this rumour, reinforcing Dads belief, mind you this coming from dad’s favourite child. In the past I have told dad I’m not gay.

This week dad went a step further by announcing my assumed sexual orientation to my extended family (dads side)

But I know I’m not gay, I don’t feel turned on by men and have never sought out a. relationship with one, I don’t have sexual feelings for guys. I’ve always wanted a girlfriend but nerves disable me (sweaty trembling hands and a racing heart).

I feel hurt by dad and frustrated by this obsession to label me It’s difficult to get away from when living at home.

My father won’t speak to me as my brother reinforces this belief. Dad even mutter poofter under his breath when Im around the house. I have heard mum and talking about me when I’m in my bedroom. My brother and I don’t get along at all since adolescence I avoid him because I feel like loser because of his social ability.

Over the years since working I’ve managed to achieve what I never thought possible joining a gym, walking through the shopping centre regularly, getting a haircut, driving with confidence around town, buying new tech in person and not online. Though I’ve made some progress my social life has not, I struggle meet girls and don’t really understand the language of romancing one.

Would really appreciate some feedback on dads behaviour and the labelling.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Z91’s,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry you feel this way.

I’m also really sorry that your Dad behaves the way he does.

Have you been able to confront your dad about the way he behaves towards you.

I really think your Dads behaviour is very inappropriate and he shouldn’t be saying this to you and other family members it’s very disrespectful and I can see it would feel very difficult for you…….. and upsetting.

I believe it’s bullying and for him to do this to his own son is disgusting.

Have you been able to speak to your mum about your Dads behaviour?

Well done on your job you sound like a great worker….

It sounds like you have made amazing progress with your anxiety.

Have you friends at work? Even if you strike up a friendship with someone at work you could go out together socially and maybe meet girls this way?

Or you may even meet a girl at work?

Or even at the gym….?

Here to chat