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Flying solo

Community Member

Hi everyone, I was hoping I could receive advice on dealing with being late 20s (27), friendless/lonely, and generally sad. I've recently moved out and usually I'd be around some family, but now the reality of being by myself is sinking in. I think my self esteem and at an all time low because I feel like a weird-o and oddball who no one likes, which seems like a negative feedback loop. But really I don't even meet anyone new. When I do I feel I can't have that genuine of a conversation with them because I'm already mopey. My life otherwise is okay, I have a semi-stimulating office job and take exercising quite seriously (nice to see gym acquaintances often) which I enjoy. The people there I feel enjoy excluding others which is weird to me. Previous workplaces I've been to everyone has been nice and friendly to each other but not currently at this new place.

I feel like every time I go out it's a bitter sweet experience because I spend time outside alone, and come home alone. I'm fairly sure it all comes down to self-doubt and generally a poor self image but I'm not sure how to improve. I've seen a psychologist a few times who, I believe, didn't really listen or understand me, and gave me shallow CBT exercises which was not relevant. I'm generally shy but I can still introduce and talk to people. I just feel so lost and alone because I'm not sure how I can meet nice people and make friends or have nice experiences, and/or improve my self perception into something more positive. Which is odd because I'm very aware of my minds habit to think poorly of myself - but feel powerless to do anything to tip the scales in my favour.

Maybe I'm lazy and need to just get out there, attend things alone, and see what life presents me. I need to summon enough motivation to leave my room and at least try. I just don't know what to do. Thank you for reading.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Anomie,

Coming from one 28yo anxious wreck here - you are absolutely not alone, and I sometimes feel lonely despite having a partner and a small network around me.

When I was going through times when I had isolated myself for whatever reason (mostly introversion into my own head), I found that reaching out to people really helped. You say you are friendless, but there must be some people (even if it is just one) that would consider you a friend. And if they heard that you were feeling this way, would be honestly heartbroken. I know it's easier said than done, but reach out.

I also found Meetup really good for meeting new people. You find all sorts of characters in those groups! Join a local board game group, or volunteer at a animal shelter. I volunteered at an animal shelter and I met some lovely people, as well as spent time with the animals which helped so much!

I am a serial cynic - I think everything is terrible, and not worth it etc etc. You have to fake it until you make it with positivity. Actively take the negative thought you have, and switch it, and say it to yourself. I tried this out, and yeah, I felt like a fool sometimes because it took me ten times longer to process any thought or answer any question because I was reversing it to the positive answer, but it really helped. Also (even if it does sound a bit w a n k y) a gratitude list? Just write down 3 things that happened that day that were good. I hated it at first, I thought it to be juvenile and a waste of time...until...my outlook improved!

Anyway, it was nice to meet you Anomie, and I hope this helps you even the tiniest bit!

Community Member

Hi Anomie.

Welcome to the forum. I too am in the same position that you are in after my girlfriend dumped me because of something so small I didnt think it would even make a difference. Although it has left me in the same position as what you are in and I found it extremely making friends or meeting new people in a modern day society since the general thing here in Adelaide seems to be "unless we have been friends since high school/primary school...you arent part of our clique". In saying that though I found that you sometimes just have to push past it and just be open to people about yourself. Although it can be hard to do so since even talking to certain people can be impossible....going to a bar/pub in the city can be one of the best and somewhat weirdest ways to meet some incredible people if you are willing to talk about anything and everything.