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Finding boyfriend has only fans

Community Member

Hi guys,

I’ve recently found out my boy friend has only fans. We have been together for 2.5 years and just bought our first house together.
This has hurt me so much. He knows I would not like him to have an account but has done it anyway. He has also subscribed to girls we both know that has made me feel so uncomfortable. It has also made me feel insecure as he never asks me for nudes or saves the ones I send him and has been getting this elsewhere from other girls. I do not see how I am going to get past this. I am so disgusted by this and do not want to speak to him or be around him.
We both watch porn in our own time but him having only fans and subscribing to girls we know has crossed a boundary. I appreciate any advice! Thankyou

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion


sorry it has taken a while to reply this post. This sometimes happens. Your post is important.
It seems you are confused by your boyfriends behaviour.
Is it possible to talk to him when you are not disgusted.

It is difficult when you have different needs. Have you spoke to him yet.?
Thanks for sharing your story.

Community Champion
Community Champion

hi and welcome to beyond blue. Sorry about the delay in responding to you.

It sounds like you were both getting settled and then you find out he has an only fans account which or your sounds like it might have crossed a boundary. Is this a fair summary?

Even though you said he knows you would not like him having an account he did it. This sounds a little like betrayal. While I am not asking how that conversation came up ... have you had a conversation with him about how you feel about this?

And/or find what draws him to the site? (I did a little research and found there is an intimacy and perhaps control thing with only fans - I cold be wrong. If you both watch porn maybe it is a step up in terms of what he was looking for.

Of course, these are all theories and does not necessarily overcome how you are feel about this. Is it a deal breaker? Can you live with him knowing what he does? Is there some sort of compromise moving forward?

If you do see this, I would be interested to know how you got on, or be a sounding board for you.

Listening to you.