Finally Letting Go

[Amali]

I am struggling with letting go of a relationship. I mean I have told him it's over, I've been very strict in following through with the no contact- blocked him from social media, have not initiated contact and refused to respond to any contact by him. It's almost a year since the split, but it wasn't our first break up. It was a very emotionally exhausting relationship that caused a lot of pain. But I still feel so connected to him, miss him and I am worried about how he is going. Even though I was miserable in the relationship I feel even more pain now that he is gone. We were building a house together (which I never got to see) we were going to get married, I still can't let go of those dreams, as it takes a long time to get to that place with a partner and I feel I tried so hard to make it work and be understanding and he just kept letting me down.

I held on for way too long, hoping he would change and kept going back just to get hurt over and over again.

I was hoping to feel better about this by now, but I feel as if we broke up yesterday, everything seems like such an effort and it's hard to look forward to anything when I still feel so lost without him.

[pipsy]

Hi Amali.  It must have been really, really hard admitting there was no point continuing.  I'm not going to ask you why you finally split with him, obviously you did a lot of thinking to reach that conclusion.  You are now going through the grief process that comes with any separation.  Were you together long?  You say it's nearly a year since you stopped seeing him, and it was a clean break with no contact since.  When you plan a life with someone and you don't 'make it', you go through what you're experiencing.  With some people it takes longer.  There is no rule or regulation about the length of time it takes.  Some widows never recover from losing a loved one.  Some divorcees stay bitter for years.  You sound as though you may still have feelings for him, this too is quite natural.  One day at a time is the key.  Look at the reasons you broke up and that will help you understand why resuming the relationship is not for you.  You said you were miserable with him, do you want to go back to that?  I think you're probably missing the company of another person in your life after being in a relationship.  Maybe you should start rebuilding your life, do you have a girlfriend you could go out with occasionally.  He has probably gotten over you by now and is making new friends.  Men don't usually wear their heart on their sleeves the way women do.   He's made no move to contact you.  He's obviously accepted it's done with.  You have to, too.

Pipsy.