Fight for love or give up?

[Qwertymoo]

How do you know?
Ok first time poster, reaching out because I have a pit in my stomach and I can't sleep and I honestly don't know what to do.
First ever partner thought I'd found the one, madly in love. Felt so lucky. Then it changed and he started getting angry, not at me at first but eventually at me, and calling me names and putting me down. Threatening. I know he has depression, but also think there's more to it. He tells me not to listen when he is angry that that's not really how he feels. Now I've been gone a week and he tells me he is going to the drs and going to get help. Do I help him through this ? I feel sick being away from him because minus his outrageous outbursts he is my perfect man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

It's probably fixable with counselling and some procedures/rules put in place.

The remedies will take both of you to solve. You might need to make some adjustments to how you approach him and how to de-escalate conflict before the argument stage. He may need to learn anger management and some personal therapy.

Those are my guesses but you'll both benefit from the hard work you put in.

As an example of one rule introduced is "time out". As an argument begins you break off and return shortly after. It can work if you both strictly commit to the process.

Google

Beyondblue topic relationship strife - the peace pipe

I hope that helps

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Qwertymoo, depression can at times show anger because all of a sudden a person feels a deeper type of sadness, different to what they usually experience and may become frustrated as it continues on longer than they had expected which can affect both them as well as their partner.

When he is angry it's projected towards people he loves but for him to decide to see his doctor is a step in the right direction, because none of us can be perfect, everyone has their own flaws, but we all need encourage to help us overcome this condition.

There may be times where you may both wonder, but doesn't this happen in all relationships and if you believe 'he's the perfect man' then try and help him.

Can I suggest you get some help yourself to try and understand what depression means.

Best wishes.

Geoff.