Fiancee walked out. We share 3 year old

[Hawka1980]

3 weeks ago my fiancee left saying she was unhappy. Hooked up with someone else within 1 day. Swore on our daughter there was nobody else when she left but confirmed she was with someone when i asked her a week after she left (originally she needed time) but hooked up without even properly breaking up but wasn't even feeling bad about it. Said it was a random but find that hard to believe.

We have a 3 yr old daughter, were trying for another one in September.. had arguments for 2 weeks prior to break up. She looked down and sad during this time but never thought she'd leave. Left me blind sided.

We work in same building so see each other every day and during daughter drop offs on weekends. Conversation is non existent. She won't engage in Conversation, says it's now "her time" to live. She has changed her appearance, goes out every time she hasn't our daughter, and posts glammed up selfies on social media. Is up to all hours when previously was in bed early.

Her current behaviours were not present in the 5.5 yrs we were together. It's as if she is free and does not care she has split the family unit.

I am Having a hard time myself functioning from thinking 6 weeks ago we were getting married and having a second child to co parenting with someone who has totally shut me out and me seeing my daughter half the week.

Don't know how I've coped and struggling to accept the person I loved isn't that person anymore. Anyone give me some ideas how I can move forward and get closure with someone I need to deal with for years to come bc of our daughter.

It's as if I was living with a totally different person to this version of the last 3 weeks.

Ps - she moved back with family and no longer live together

[Croix]

Dear Hawka1980~

I could not imagine a bigger blow to have to live through, all the worse because it seems completely inexplicable. Other than offering my sympathy I've only a few thoughts to offer.

First is what support do you have? Now that means both practical - rearing kids even 1/2 the time is a huge task, particularly if combined with work. Also emotional, parents, family or a friend you can talk to, who will be here for you .

These are things you need now.

Second is self-doubt. simply because you do not know the reason for this you would, I'd imagine, at times feel that you in some way contributed to this. Your account here does not seem to give that impression at all. In all probability the cause is nothing to do with you.

Thirdly - looking for answers. I'm afraid there are so many, from a mental illness though to drugs. Trying to fathom it out is probably not gong to get you anywhere. Maybe in time things might become apparent.

You talked abut her forming another relationship straight away and saying it was not planned. My instinct tells me this might well be true. Not a case of leaving the family for an existing lover at all. The fact she is back with family tends to bear this out.

If she is back with her family then they may have an opportunity to take the matter further- see maybe if she would get some form of medical help. Are you in contact with them and have a good relationship?

Trying to deal with this on a daily basis is very hard indeed. Although I've not been in this situation I have had to deal with tragedy, and found concentrating on my work and at home on each task seemed to help a bit.

Please talk here as much as you would like

Croix

[Hawka1980]

Thank you for your reply. I do have some support in friends and brother.. even today I dropped my daughter off to her and I got nothing but a wall. It's been 3 weeks but acting like we've been doing this for 3 yrs. Doesnt even ask how I'm doing. Quite devastating to have to go through this continuously bc of our daughter who has been sad lately sensing something is different.

I crave answes, hope she is ok and a fit mum but how can I know how she behaves when I'm not there. Petrified for my daughter's upbringing and formative years. I too think drugs or mental issue. She was anti drugs the whole time we were together. But how can I help someone who doesn' let me in.

The over exposure on social media is worrying. It's all about her whereas before it was all about our daughter.

Just need to plug away and see what happens day by day.

Aapreciate your response 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Hawka1980~

I guess you said it with: Just need to plug away and see what happens day by day.

While having answers would ease the mind a lot sadly they may never come. Amazing to think someone you knew so well could simply turn around and basically be a different person. She may not have any answers either.

Trying to keep your daughter from reacting too much and being sad is hard, still love is what you have to give, I'm sure that will be enough.

Please keep on talking here if it helps at all.

Croix