Hi JeanyC,
Firstly, welcome to the forums, although I’m sorry to hear that you’ve come here under such circumstances. I’m not going to sugar coat things, that is a bit of a concern to hear. On the one hand, it is admirable of him to admit it and be so upfront and honest, but also concerning as it makes cheating so much more of a possibility if the very idea of sleeping with someone else is the trigger. Understandably that leaves you feeling as though you are inadequate and somehow not enough for him, but in reality this is an issue with him and one I imagine he’s had all along, although the long-term commitment aspect may have exacerbated it. That’s not to say it’s you in any way, just that some people who are afraid of commitment can easily feel stifled and therefore have an urge to make poor decisions or rail against commitment. That’s not always the case, and some may have fantasies that they never act on, but he has shown in recent history that he can cross this line. He may have learnt his lesson and realised his huge mistake and has turned over a new leaf or just needs to move past it. But it’s very hard to tell and by your rightful concern, I imagine that he isn’t leaving you feeling too confident. have you tried couples counseling for this issue or the previous infidelity? If not, it might be a good idea to book in and get their thoughts?
