Feels like no one cares.

Mary_Ploppins · ‎06-08-2016

I have yet to be diagnosed with anything as yet as i waiting to see a private psych but they have a long wait list. My doctor thinks it is probably bi polar and after doing a bipolar self test thing on line and getting a score of 50 when it said anything over 22 was probably bipolar. It's pretty safe to assume i have some disorder.

I have about a million things i could write here but the thing thats killing me right now is no one seems to care,no matter what i still have to take all repsonsibility for everything. The start of the year went really good and after reading about the manic ups of bi polar i would say i definetly had one. I had splurged about $9k on stuff , opened an online store ( i already have an online store) just did so many things i can't really remember them all.Everything was so clear to me at the time, i was going to make organic soaps,soy candles,sell them and save enough money to lease some land so i could get laying chickens to run free range. Then evenetually buy some land and build a house.

Major problem is i am on a disabiltiy pension due to many physical problems. I will just go and go and go, and use lot's of painkillers so i can keep going even though the pain is so bad it would stop a normal person in their tracks.

Suddenly things went upside down and i feel terrible the last few weeks , i lay on the couch most of the day and don't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I trudge to get the little kids of to school , then just sit and think i wish they all would hurry up and grow up just so i can check out.

It's getting worse everyday, i realize i have made such a mess of things.

I told my 22 year old daughter that i have something wrong with me that i have wrong with me. She didn't seem to care and said she had to just after i told her.

I told my husband yesterday how bad things are for me and he just said oh. I don't think the realization hit until i told him i was going to kill myself when he had taken the kids to the cinema the week before. He just said oh don't do that. Who just says that? If someone said that to me i would have dragged them off to the doctor , no ifs buts or maybes. Please do not take this as a plea for help. I have felt this way most of my life , i came from a house of serious abuse and my first suicide attempt was at the age of 8. I do not plan on killing myself as the idiot im married to couldn't be trusted to look after the kids. Just wandering if anyone else has had such poor support.

james1 · ‎07-08-2016

Hi Mary,

It is really shocking how some people treat mental disorders. I'm so sorry to hear you're not receiving much/any support. Are you able to discuss your disappointment with your husband's response openly with him? It might be a good thing to let him know that you were upset by his lack of concern - I'm not a counsellor, but sometimes people just don't know how to express their concern.

That said, please feel very welcome here to post as often as you'd like. We're absolutely here to support you and we absolutely care that you're not well.

It is great that you've sought professional help - they are really your best bet at coming up with strategies. When will your psych appointment be?

I'm sure you know already, but if you ever feel really down, you can always give the BeyondBlue or Lifeline helplines a call. And not just in case of emergency, but just to have someone to talk through your feelings with. I sometimes find that, when I'm down, I get caught in a cycle of: no one cares so I won't call, I won't call so no one cares. But it's really important that we just force ourselves to break that cycle and keep calling different people until someone cares.

I'd love to hear back from you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it can really help just sharing your experiences with others as you've already started to do. Also, there are others in similar situations who would really benefit to hear your story and be comforted to know they're not alone.

Thanks for posting here Mary.

James

Mary_Ploppins · ‎08-08-2016

Thank so much James, it is incredibly hard for me to say anything to him at the moment as i just feel so let down. I have said to him that he could have at least attempted to say something but still got no response from him.

They private psych clinic is closed until the 17th of this month and i was told by my doctor i might be on the wait list for a couple of months.

I wont go public as i did that many years ago for my OCD i got treated by rubbish by the doctor that seen me , so just refuse to go public again. Although saying that i may need to go see someone sooner as im getting worse by the day im spending most of the day and night on the couch. So not like me.

james1 · ‎09-08-2016

Hi Mary, it does sound like you need help sooner rather than later.

Are there any counsellors you could see to help you cope with the symptoms in the meantime? If you go back to your GP, they may be able to give you something to help you cope with the symptoms for now.

Also, have you tried giving BeyondBlue a call? They may also have some suggestions on who you can see.

Sorry, I wish I could be of more help!

James