Feeling unsupported by my partner and anxious about being left alone

[Girl_interrupted1]

Hello everyone,

I’m here to share my feelings about a situation I’m in at the moment with my man. We’ve been together for 8 years. Engaged for going on 5 years.

Basically, he’s been talking about going on a road trip for a while now. And he wants to take leave from work for a week to go. He wants to go by himself and drive to Adelaide and camp at various places along the way.
The thing is he has brought this up now just before I’m due to recommence work after I’ve had almost a year off due to COVID. During Covid my work wasn’t operational and I’ve been at home studying and looking after the house/ cooking/ cleaning etc. I feel like I’ve done a lot to support him over the last 12months.
basically I’m feeling really anxious about him going on a trip for a few reasons: firstly, About 1 and a half years ago, I sold my car because he told me too. Ever since we’ve been sharing a car. It’s been fine during Covid because we haven’t been driving much but I need the car to get to work (I work across melbourne at different schools as an educator). So the thought of him taking the car makes me stressed out because I don’t know what I’ll do for a car when he’s gone.
secondly, I feel anxious because I don’t know why he wants to go on this trip alone so badly. He says it’s because I don’t like camping much (which is true) but I would do it with him regardless because I love him. Perhaps he needs a break from me?? I feel really insecure about him going.
Thirdly, I feel upset because I’m already super anxious about going back to work after a long time and I also have my study to do, so I thought it would be good and only fair that he is around to support me in the first few weeks of work, so I can get used to the change in life again.

I feel really stressed and anxious about all this. I wish he would want to plan a holiday with me, rather than going alone. But at the same time, I want him to be able to go on adventures if his heart wants it.

Am I being selfish? Am I just too self-absorbed and worried about my own shit. I know he has had a long year at work and he wants a proper holiday but why can’t it be with me.

I don’t know what to do

girl interrupted

[Croix]

Dear Girl interrupted~

I'd like to welcome you here again and suspect that although you are talking about your fiance wanting to go on a trip the problems you face in your relationship are more than that. I remember you talking about him calling you fat and manhandle parts of you to prove a point, then prescribing a diet, which might well have reminded you of your father.

I find there are some disturbing things about the event you talk about in this post.

He wants to go away without you, even though you have made it plain you would go with him

He wants to take the only car having told you to sell yours, leaving you isolated and probably would have very great difficulties in getting a job of your own

You now need a job, which you are understandably very nervous about, and also have studies. The is no mention of helping you.

In fact there is no mention of helping you at all, If you have a weight problem, which may well be due to your childhood, there is no talk on both going for a walk or the gym or the pool or communal diet.

With the car there is no talk of seeing you adequately provided for

There is no discussion over you accompanying him, or even if now is an appropriate time for a holiday of this sort.

A 5 year engagement does not seem to me to show a great deal of desire for permanence

But most important of the lot is this

A partnership, married or unmarried, that is gong to endure is made up of two people who love each other, want the best for each other, and desire to ease them thogh the hard parts of life as best they can, in other words support them.

May I suggest you step back and look at your relationship again, to try to see with fresh eyes what it is?

I'd also wonder if you have anyone in your family, or a friend who you can talk with, who will just listen and care -so you do not feel isolated and alone?

To bluntly answer your question - NO you are not being selfish? NO you are not too self-absorbed and worried about my own shit.

I guess one step you could take is to insist on counseling, both for yourself to get a professional's perspective , and both together in case it is possible to change his attitude.

Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 might be place to start , as might our own 24/7 Help line who may have other suggestions

Please come back and say how you are going

Croix

[Sophie_M]

Hey Girl interrupted,

Thanks for reaching out here tonight and keeping the community updated on how you've been going. We noticed that you have another thread related to feeling unsupported by your partner, therefore we're going to close this thread off and ask that you and the community keep to the one thread below: 
Boyfriend thinks I'm fat

Keeping to one thread per topic makes it easier for members to keep up with your story, and saves you having to repeat information that may be spread across different threads.