Feeling suffocated

[SybilleP]

Hi. I have a friend whom I’ve only known 2 years. I met her at a time when my marriage was going through a rough time, I was in the process of burn out and my husband and son both had big health diagnoses. She was amazing and so supportive (our family live abroad) so we have no one here. However, I’m now feeling suffocated. She texts me every day 20+ times, is put out if I do something without her and I can’t even visit another part of the state without her wanting to come too. It feels like I’m in another marriage. She knows everything about what I do each day and I’m feeling suffocated. I have done my best to support her when she’s needed an ear, but it feels like she’s always looking for things to care-take with me. How do I establish some new boundaries when it feels there are none? I would hate for her to feel that I’ve taken from her.... I’m so grateful for all she’s done to support me and my family but I need space. Please help..... there’s a lot on codependent relationships but. It much on when you’re the enabler wanting to redefine the relationship.

[Croix]

Dear SybilleP~

I guess you have a tricky conversation ahead of you -but not an impossible one.

As circumstances and people change over time the need for more time just by yourself may grow, and that can only be accomplished by less time together with others. And it is partly due to your friend's marvelous efforts you have manged to reach this stage.

If I was to try I'd say just that , then say that this in no way affects my feelings and in fact I'm concerned you might take it to mean I want things to stop - not the case. Our friendship is not in question. It is in NO WAY a goodbye.

I've say the person was just as valued, but that we both do need to adjust to the change in me.

I'd go on to say I was concerned about her and how she was feeling, and try as best you can to understand waht she might be feeling and even go so far as to compromise if you have set out a routine and your friend finds it all too much.

A gift can't hurt.

What do you think?

Croix