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Feeling so desperate

Community Member

I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety

i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice.

i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied:

Oh boy... Blushing

I replied: You wanted to know!

i want to message him but am so scared of scaring him off or losing him.

I feel such an amazing connection with him and feel so crazy in love with him

i don’t know what to do, the waiting is killing me!
Why has been become distant?

Is he thinking about me being attracted or is he is getting his thoughts together or is he ignoring me??

I don’t know what to do with him!

Do I send a message and say:

Are you not talking to me now? Or it would be nice to know if you are not talking to me now? But that makes me look desperate!

I sent him a nice message this morning:

Happy Friday!

Hope you have a nice day! xx

Got no response

I am dying with anxiety and can only think he is with another woman!

I cannot think straight

56 Replies 56

Community Member
I'm sorry he hasn't behaved better Elsam you must be feeling very hurt. Hug 🌷🌄🥀

Community Member

Hello friends
Sorry I have been too stressed to even reply! I have been having massive anxiety attacks and thought I was going to end up in hospital.
After my message above on the 26th September where I was confused and asked him if he had lost interest!
He replied the next day 27th Sept:
Hello there! Hope you had a good weekend! I was and I am continuing to prep for my first exam which is this week. What were you up to?
I understand but not sure I am ready to jump into a relationship at this stage.
Hope you are having a great start into the new week!
My response to try and ease his fear of a relationship!

I’m not sure I’m ready for a serious relationship either just yet. I would still love to see you, get to know you and have fun with you!
I knew it, I scared you!
I shouldn’t have said anything about being so attracted to you! At the same time you can’t help who you are attracted to ...
I’m only being honest...

Community Member

Part 2

Tuesday 28th Sept: he sent me a photo
Wednesday & Thursday I never heard from him so I thought I would give him some space!
Friday 1st October: I wished him a Happy Friday and he responded and said:
Did you see this? With a news link to the international travel restrictions being lifted
I made a couple of comments and he never replied.
Saturday afternoon I was furious and decided to send a message:
Can I ask you something please?
He replied: Sure
So I asked:
Was I wrong by telling you I am attracted to you ?
To clarify my comment:
I would love to see you again, we had a nice time together and I would like to get to know you! Did not mean I am wanting to jump into a relationship xx
Sunday night I sent a photo I had taken of a beautiful sunset and he just ignored it.
Yesterday I was having a full anxiety/panic attack and could not get out of bed.
I sent this message late yesterday afternoon:
How are you ?
Can you please tell me if I have done or said something ?
I am hurting and don’t know why you have changed after 5.5 mths when we had a nice time!
Please talk to me xxx
He read my message straight away and sent me a photo with the following message:
I am buried in Books and exams getting ready for my upcoming tests this week and preoccupied with that. As I mentioned not keen to kindle too much at the moment. I am sure you understand. Hope you had a fantastic weekend!
I replied:
I totally understand you are busy and have your exams!
You were texting me everyday and flirting, how did you want me to feel. You were sending photos every time you were flying and then stopped!
When we were together you gave me the impression you were attracted to me!
That’s why I’m confused!
Can I ask what you are looking for? Do you just want a friend with benefits?
As I said you cannot help who you are attracted to....
If there is no attraction there is nothing!
I like you, I think highly of you....
Is there anything wrong with that?
I was being so honest with him and he could not reply!
I had a good cry this afternoon because I don’t know what to try next and all I want is to see him
So tonight I sent a nice message:
Good luck with you exams this week xx
No response!!!
I am hurting so much, I don’t know what to do or what to think
Why could he be so nice to me for nearly 6 mths and now suddenly changes! He was like he was in love with me when I was with him and now seems so nasty!
I don’t understand

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Elsam,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having massive anxiety attacks and have nearly wound up in hospital as a result. I hope you look after yourself and your well being. This guy doesn’t sound like good news, at the very least you both seem on very different pages to me. By his actions, he is obviously not keen on a relationship or even anything more than extremely casual with infrequent messages/contact and sex. And your response that you didn’t think that you were ready for a serious relationship just yet seems to do a disservice to you too, as you are so obviously wanting a relationship with this man. My impression is that he can likely tell this as well by the level of communication that you want and the things that you say. I would just hate for you to be stuck in limbo with this person where you accept less than what you want or deserve because he is incapable of providing it, while he continues to live his life without care or consideration spare the odd text. Has he explained to you why he won’t actually speak to you on the phone? That would be a huge red flag to me that he may even be married or live with someone. I hope that my post hasn’t offended you, as I know that I did last time, but I really just don’t want this guy to waste your time if he’s not genuine.

Hiya Elsam.

l'm afraid l agree with Juliet. It's been over 5mths and l'm really sorry but he's still just playing the same tune which he'd told you back at the start and now all this time later the same again. l'm not ready to jump into a relationship translates to he just isn't interested in anything more. He wasn't then and 5mths later still isn't.

The thing is, of course he's nice when you have met up, and complimentary. He's spending the evening and night with you, that's a bit hard to do if you aren't at least nice to someone. Attracted enough to sleep with someone is only a small part of the equation and doesn't equate to real relationship material though and that's where the thing is. And this wk well he has said a few times he's buried in exams so it's a terrible time to even attempt to nut things out but tbh, any time would be for him anyway bc he just isn't feeling that way.

Tbh , he hasn't really done or shown very much at all right through really. A few pics and lines mostly replying to you over 5mths is the same as attraction , it doesn't equate to or fit a man in love. l'm sorry but unless all you want is just a casual night or two every few mths when he feels like it, this really isn't gonna go anywhere.


Community Member

Hi Elsam,

I too am sorry to hear this person is continuing to behave in a way that is causing you distress. You have given him plenty of chances to be a caring person to you and he has continued to be non-committal and distant in his responses. I would be giving him so much space from now on that he might think he's in orbit. I know it is hard but try to take a step back and look at how he has been treating you and ask yourself if that is acceptable, what you deserve and what you should accept. I'm sure the answer is no. You deserve so much more and should accept nothing less.


Community Member

Thank you @Juliet_84 I really do appreciate your messages thank you.

He told me he has been divorced 7 years and his ex wife and 2 adult children are in the US

Why does he have to keep going back to the US every few months if he is not married. He only came back in July and has told me he is planning to go again at Christmas!

He will not talk on the phone. He will only message me!
I feel like ringing him from my work phone cause he doesn’t know the number!!

Community Member


I am so confused, after nearly 6 mths he has pursued me because I have always waited for him to message me first before I reply that way I knew he was chasing me.

What I don’t understand is that he was on an Internet dating site to meet someone, so we met and I have become attracted to him, isn’t that the reason to go on a dating site? To find someone that is attracted to you??

It seems as soon as I told him I was so attracted to him he has freaked out!

But he wanted to know what I was thinking and I even asked him if he really wanted to know and he said Yes!!!

He changed drastically after we were together 3 weekends ago but he was the one that wanted to see me

Community Member

@Waterfront thank you so much

I cannot understand how a guy in his 50’s can behave this way

He is a professional and in a high profile career.

I don’t understand why he is treating me this way after months and months when all I have been is nice to him!

He even kept in contact the whole time for the 6 weeks he was overseas.

Why start playing games now when he could have done this months ago before I become so emotionally attached.

I even sent a nice message tonight saying:

Good luck with your exams this week xx

He could not even respond and say thank you! 😢😢

Community Member


If he is not interested why has he kept in contact then??

I know he is attracted to me because he has told me and has told me he loves my photos

So I don’t understand why he is so hot and cold all the time

They say this hot and cold behaviour in men is because they are not sure of their feelings and are scared of committing or been hurt in the past ???