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I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. It's difficult to say why, though, since I don't have any big thing that's making me feel this way. I'm definitely struggling with being at home during the restrictions. We finally got to go back to work about a month ago, but due to the new restrictions in Queensland , we have to wear a mask at work for the last two weeks, so it's easier to work from home again, and I'm feeling a little stuck here. I started a new job at the beginning of this year, and we were sent home a couple of weeks after I stared, so I didn't really get to know anyone. I don't really have any meetings so I never see anyone, so I'm not making any connections and I'm feeling pretty isolated.
I'm single and live alone and I rely on having close friends around me. But, my closest friend went overseas at the end of last year, and there is a huge whole where she left. I feel like my life is very empty these days. I scroll through fb every now and again, and can't see the point really, thinking of closing my account down. I feel like every night all I do is watch tv and go to bed. I've tried contacting a few different people, but I'm struggling to get any enjoyment out of seeing them.
Because I'm feeling bored and lonely, I've started drinking. I used to drink the occasional glass of wine, these days I'm downing a whole bottle every 3 or so days. I know the health consequences, but I can't seem to stop. So, that's making me anxious.
Then, to top things off, I seem to treat my family pretty bad. I'm reacting really negatively to everything they say to me, and this morning my sister got quite upset with me. I feel terrible about it, and I feel like I'm an awful person.
I've bared my heart, but I'm not really sure how this is going to help. Hopefully it'll help me start feeling better soon.
Bearing your heart like you have in this forum is a huge step. I really hope that putting everything out there has helped you understand your feelings a bit more.
I'm very sorry to hear about your current situation and the fact that you have started a new job just before lockdown really resonated with me. I have been in my current job for a few years now, but over half of my team have been recruited remotely due to the lockdowns in VIC. I can only imagine how it feels for them starting work in a brand new company and not having that physical connection. I'm super conscious of this and make sure that I reach out to everyone and organise Zoom catch ups on a Friday afternoon for the team so we can have a chat and see each other. You mentioned that you didn't get the opportunity to meet people who you work with, but maybe this could be a motivator to have a virtual hang out with your friends?
When you're feeling this way, it's very easy to turn to vices that temporarily make you happy such as drinking. Is there anything else that you enjoy doing that you could possibly use as a substitute instead of drinking? Maybe a video game, streaming service, book, exercise etc? My vice is eating and I find that when I feel like eating when I'm not hungry, doing something else I enjoy helps me a lot.
With your family, I personally think that is super normal when you're going through what you're currently going through. Maybe you could let them know how you're feeling at the moment and have them as a support system.
Overall, if you have someone to talk to, such as Beyond Blue phone service or a GP, that is also a fantastic place to start.
Wishing you all the best.