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Feeling pessimistic and disheartened about the future
I’m 28 years old and I have reached a point where I feel quite scared of the future and pessimistic about what’s in store for me.
I worry about being single forever and Loneliness in general - despite having an active and satisfying social life.
I did have a special romantic relationship a couple of years ago. It was devastating when that ended, but I am still friends with my ex and see him regularly through work. I assure you that this has no real negative impact on my day to day life when I see him. It did take me a while to accept the break up, but I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy processing the experience. Sure, I do feel sad on rare occasions, but not like I used to.
I speak to a therapist weekly, I read and journal - all things contributing to my self development and that I’ve been proud of.
I felt ready to start dating at the beginning of the year again. I haven’t had much luck on the dating apps - nothing terrible, but no real connection with anyone and I don’t want to settle.
Since I do have an anxiety about the future and being single forever, I have to admit that I did something very regretful last night. I contacted a “psychic” tarot reader, who appears to be reputable when I look at her website. I ordered an email reading and I opened my inbox this morning to the most disheartening reading from her.
She told me that my heart chakra is blocked, possibly from me not processing my past relationship and she said that she can’t “honestly” see me finding love anytime soon, but it seems I will “eventually”. I have had tarot readings before that have been empowering - people interpret the cards in an inspirational way and give advice. But this left me feeling lousy! I know I have work to do and I definitely have been actively doing work on myself for a very very long time, but this in no way inspired or motivated me.
She just left me feeling broken. She didn’t try to make me purchase anything to “unblock this”, so I don’t think it’s a scam, but she has left me feeling like there isn’t much hope for the future. If she were able to intuitively look into my situation, she would’ve surely seen that I’m at least trying.
Anyway, it only fed into my fear of not finding a person I can connect with romantically and start a family with. My day has really been impacted.
I’m sorry that my post took a strange turn with the psychic element here! I really wish I hadn’t contacted this person for reassurance. I feel very alone.
I am so sorry to hear about how you have been feeling and how the recent incident with the reading has affected you. Please never apologise, it’s completely understandable that when we feel so lonely and not our best we try different thighs that might break that path and take us out of that way. It’s so unfortunate you happened to heart a reading that only added to your low feelings. I am truly sorry to hear this.
You mentioned an active and satisfying social life so I am guessing you have some good friends around you. Are you able to talk to someone about how you feel or you prefer not to? Either way it’s fine, I am only asking to check if you have someone you can count and rely on.
It takes a lot of courage to voice out your feelings, even if it’s anonymous so I thank you and commend you for that.
If I had a dollar for every time a single person thought they would be alone forever, I would be a very wealthy person lol. Most recently, my 70 year old uncle told me this after his wife of 40 years left him. He was worried that he was too old to find someone else and accept him as he has Parkinson’s, but he has just found a lovely widowed woman and they are now dating. But the reality is it’s a numbers game, you need to be able to go from bad date to bad date without becoming disheartening. You have found love once so you know it’s not impossible, you just need to keep going until you find your person.
Regarding the psychic, I understand that it must have been a knock to have your fears confirmed. However, I would be extremely skeptical of anyone who says they can predict the future. The reality is that the psychic “industry” is one of the least credible industries that exists - she may not have been ripping you off (which also happens pretty frequently) but she may just be plain wrong. By your own admission other readings in the past have been positive, so someone has to be wrong (they both might be wrong to be honest, you have no way of verifying any of their information). You’re also 28 which is still very young but you’re also coming into that age bracket where people are more open to settling down after wanting to be single etc in their 20s so I think the future looks good for you. You just need to keep going with the positive things in your life, you’re on the right track
I do have friends that I can chat to, but I find myself feeling quite terrified of losing them too. My closest group of friends at the moment, all of them are not originally from the city I live in. They all moved here for work and we met and just connected. I know that this isn’t their forever home and I’m scared of them all moving away and me being lonely. They haven’t made concrete plans for change yet, but I have to accept this possibility. Other friends that I have are less reliable and don’t have the same hobbies as myself and this closer group of friends.
While I love my family and know they will always be here for me, I just also love having an outlet outside of them.
I’d like to be less resistant to the idea of change. It’s hard when everyone is navigating their 20s and deciding where to work, base themselves etc. It just feels like everything is temporary, and that really scares me.
I’m definitely at the stage of wanting to have a fulfilling relationship and want to settle down. I just fear it won’t happen and that my social life will completely change and things will just go downhill.
I have this feeling of impending doom all the time. I always had it, but the pandemic has definitely made it worse for me.
The good news is that I’m less caught up in what the “psychic” had to say. Certain other anxieties, as outlined above still remain though.
Im sorry you have been feeling this way.
I understand the feeling of impending doom because I once felt that way……… I had severe anxiety OCD.
I use to feel like I was always running from something……
There came a day when I thought enough is enough and I turned around and faced it head on.
I was challenged in many ways on my internal exploration of finding my true self.
One of the things I used to do was always think negatively about alot of things and I always perceived the world I lived in in a negative way.
Through the inner work I’ve done on myself I’ve successfully turned my negative mind set to a positive one it takes hard work and practice but it can be done…
Have you ever challenged your thinking in regards to your fear of loosing people and being lonely? Maybe you could explore this with your therapist.
Please work on loving yourself first….if we can love ourselves first then we will attract more of love into our lives.
You will meet that special someone, whats meant for you won’t pass you by.
Hello Clover, people find and use different ways to try and understand what perhaps a psychic can forecast and certainly can appreciate your wish to know, however, whether or not you believe what they have to say is entirely up to you and I have no qualms in you doing so.
The problem is, if they tell you something along the lines of ' your heart chakra is blocked' is that anything small that may indicate this, you believe they are forecasting the truth and so your mood develops on this, which could lead onto other unnecessary problems.
You need to remember that this psychic may have told the twenty people before you, exactly the same thing, it's a living for them.
Finding love on dating sites can also be awkward because you can't really believe what is said until you have gone out with them.
If you could only go out and be yourself, rather than having the intention to find someone, because this will happen and you can show others your true personality, someone will approach you, and please don't forget that everybody wants a friend straight away, but at times this is done by slowly being in contact with them and then build up this relationship.
What would happen if you found a person against what the psychic said and this is absolutely possible, have belief in your ability.
I’m sorry to post again about the same subject. This week has been a nightmare. I saw a numerologist/“psychic” last weekend. I didn’t feel at ease when I met her. She brought up my break up from a couple of years ago and opened up that wound. I felt that it was done in an unethical way. I have managed to stay friendly with my ex, with boundaries in place of course. We work in the same building. It’s worked well for us and being civil hasn’t caused harm until now. The woman said horrible things about him. She pretty much painted him as abusive. Our relationship was far from perfect, I can recognise that he was opinionated at times, but I didn’t feel controlled or anything. She told me that I am his puppet and said I had no self respect. Her tone was harsh and she told me more unnecessary info that upset me. I got paranoid because of the abilities she claims to have. I’ve avoided my ex at work ever since and I feel like I’m going to behave strange when I see him. I feel like I’ve gone to a dark place. I know that I shouldn’t assume this woman can read his energy, but she did get some things right in her reading about my life. That being said, I feel like she asked a lot of questions and got answers out of me. I also suspect she googled me before, as she knew things about my work that are actually available online. I had chosen this woman because she has almost 200 reviews on google, all 5 stars out of 5. Deep down I had this feeling that this was a bit dodgy. I wondered if she was asking people for reviews. I was right, she did ask me to post a review three times. I’ve since heard that all 5 stars can be suspicious and I’m beginning to think some are fake. I feel like I’m going insane here, because my experience wasn’t nice.
I really hope she wasn’t right. I have already discussed this with my therapist, but I thought I’d jump on here too. I’d love to leave this “psychic” phase of my life behind.
Oh dear Clover! I thought after your initial post and how you reacted to that last psychic's email, you may have realised that giving your power away to ANY ONE (claiming to be psychic or not lol) is a dangerous hole to fall into.
It appears you're quite into the esoteric and that's fine, absolutely your choice.
You are also allowed to PAUSE at times and ask yourself if you need a stranger to dictate any elements of your life to you? Past, present OR future... because you don't.
It could feel easier to do this than to take charge of your life? IE create a life with joyful activities in it, perhaps set some financial and career goals?
No one else will do it for you.
Having connections to a sport (individual or team), maintaining connections with family and friends, powering on in your work and money sectors, having pets, hobbies, interests (becoming a psychic yourself?)
Hopefully feeling empowered by all these things... may lead to a purpose driven life, with or without a partner.
When you're on a path to self fulfilment, Brene Brown calls it "whole hearted living", you will be more likely to meet the RIGHT person IMO, so far you've met many ppl as "not partner" material.
Keep talking with us. It's great you've got some professional support because not all bumps in the road are easily negotiated.
Hello Clover, I'm not one for Tarot reading, although it would be interesting to know what they believe will happen, however, life doesn't operate by what a reader has to say as they may tell another person exactly the same at another time, just as we can't predict our own future because so much can change over a couple of weeks/months and it's just like watching a magician, the tricks are an illusion.
Talk with someone who can rationalise your thinking.
Thank you for your replies, it has been helpful to read them.
I find myself trying to be rational, realising that there’s no evidence to back up the claims of her “skills”, but then I find myself down in the dumps again.I’m also carrying a lot of shame for even going to see her in the first place. I’m trying to practice some self compassion and process why I felt I needed to etc.
i find myself spooked out that she guessed how old I was when I went through my break up. Whether it was a lucky guess I don’t know. It upsets me to think about, because I’m worried that she is highly intuitive or something and the things she said were right.
I really think all of this was the last straw - I’m so turned off tarot cards etc now. It’s led to a lot of overthinking for me this year.