Feeling more alone than ever

afl106 · ‎06-03-2016

I met this gir through work and had been talking to her for about 5 months and things had been getting serious since Christmas. I never thought I would develop feelings for her but as time went on I fell for her and became so attached.

Last Thursday she told me she wanted personal space and "me time", this lasted for 5 days. After this time she told me that she loved me so much and missed talking to me every day. I was so happy because I thought everything had gone back to normal. I asked her the next morning if she had been having second thoughts about us and she said yes and didn't feel the same anymore.

I completely severed all contact I might have with her, by removing her on all social network websites, because I thought this would help me get over her. But she messaged me that night saying how much it hurt that I did that, and that's the last thing I want because I'm still in love with her.

we have talked pretty much every day since, which isn't helping me, but every time I think about not messaging her I become very emotional and my anxiety is at it's worse state. I've asked her countless times what she wants with us, and she says she doesn't know and is confused. This is giving me a tiny glimmer of hope to hang onto.

We had also developed a texting based relationship. The only time we saw eachother was if I saw her at work. I tried to make plans to see her outside of work, on several occasions and each time something came up or she was too scared about spending time with me. The most upsetting part was that she had no issue spending time with other guys.

of course I want to hang around and wait until she's ready, but not if its going to be for nothing and I'm going to get hurt again. This is also the first time i have seriously been in love and I have no idea how to get over anyone. The only distraction I have is working full time, but on my days off and in between my shifts I find that this is all I can think about.

im just confused as what to do because if she really has lost all feelings towards me, why does she still talk to me on a daily basis, and get hurt when I remove her on social media.

White_Rose · ‎06-03-2016

Dear AFL

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. I hope we can help and support you at this time.

I think you did the wise thing initially by cutting ties with this girl when she said she had changed her mind. Why did she feel hurt because you removed her from your social networks? Because she did not like being removed. Nothing to do with you or her personally, just finding herself cut off. I know little about social media but I do understand about being removed. Again I think you did the wise thing.

She sounds a bit controlling and definitely wants her cake and eat it. If she is not interested, well it's hard for you but it's her choice. If she does want to pursue a relationship then she cannot pursue it online, especially after meeting with you. It seems to me that having this "texting based relationship" and feeling confused is just a way to keep you around. If she is seeing other men then I think you are not in the picture and should break off any contact.

Of course it will be painful, but as far as I can see, it's already painful and not allowing you to grieve and move on. Some people just like to keep others on a string until they become useful. Both men and women do this and it is totally disrespectful.

My suggestion is to find another girlfriend.

Mary

Starwolf · ‎06-03-2016

Hey AFL,

Sorry to read you find yourself in this painful situation.

It appears to me that this girl has a commitment issue. The fact that she's happy to interact with you in the virtual world but not the real one shows this clearly. She is probably flattered by the attention she receives from you and the controlling power it gives her. She doesn't want to let go of either.

You deserve a lot better than this. True love knows no doubt, ifs or buts. If she really wanted to be with you, she would make it happen. Now.

I agree with White Rose. Allowing someone to play with your feelings only leaves the door open to more future hurt. Perhaps it is time for you to make a courageous decision and move on.

My best wishes are with you.

afl106 · ‎09-03-2016

Thanks for the replies both Starwolf and white rose.

This may seem such a small deal to others but this is the first time I was in love and I have never felt this abandoned before.

she blocked me on Facebook the other day because "she kept going on my wall to see what I was doing". Up until this point I was making good progress in getting over her and I thought everything was getting better. This has set me back as I feel as if she still wants me to be a part of her life, she just doesn't know how significant.

I've since found out that she's told people that we both work with that I'm too clingy and that scared her off. Ive also heard she's started talking to another guy that we both work with and I don't know how I would deal with having to see her being so happy with someone else. I'm probably just over thinking things as this guy is probably just a friend, but I don't know.

any advice is greatly appreciated

JessF · ‎09-03-2016

Hello afl106, I can't really add to the great advice you've been given above, but can only say it in a shorter form especially based on your new post above:

Run for the hills.

This girl is not interested in a functioning, normal relationship with you and even if she were, it would probably end in tears based on the behaviour you describe.

White_Rose · ‎10-03-2016

Jess has given you all the advice you need. Run!