Feeling Lost

[kp1903]

Hi there,

Please no judgment! I have been seeing my partner for approx 1 year. However due to covid and long distance, we have probably only seen each other approx ten times.

when state borders locked down I didn’t see him from July until Christmas and from then I felt like my feelings have changed and that the distance had made up grow apart.

from the start I have felt very pushed into this relationship, from others telling me how great he is. A close friend set us up so I’ve felt obliged to stick around but the last two times I saw him things just have changed and I just don’t have the same feelings.

I know I have been acting rude and hurtful to him as well as my family. I just feel like everyone is pushing me to make this work when I’m not sure if I want to.

I feel angry all the time and snap at my friends and family. I feel sad and cry myself to sleep most nights because I don’t want to hurt anyways as I have been very hurt in the past before.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so lost and scared of hurting everyone around me.

[Sophie_M]

Dear kp1903

 Thank you for being here with us on the community forums! We can hear how much courage that post took for you! We feel grateful you were able to share.  Certainly, we are finding that COVID and distance or seperation has had a major impact on many relationships, even Family and non-romantic relationships! Connection, affection and depth of feeling can be a challenge at the best of times; when it was originally someone else's idea originally, and then circumstances conspire. It can still be so distressing though to know someone else may be hurt by us, and we can hear how distressing this is for you. 

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us here, on 1300 22 4636. you could also consider talking with Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.

We hope that many of your peers here will reach out to you soon, and again remember that we are also here for you 24/7 on the helpline. 
We appreciate your bravery so very much! 

Reagrds,

Sophie M

[jaz28]

hi there,

i am sorry you are feeling stuck!

do you think your feelings could be reignited if you were to see this person again? being apart for so long could make you get used to being without them, but when you come back together, hug, and see each other - could your feelings come back? maybe you should see them again.

but, no one can force you to love someone. your feelings are your feelings and only you know in your heart what you need to do. it's also not fair to lead someone on when you are not in the relationship 100% - you both deserve to be happy!

being heartbroken sucks, i would not wish it on anyone, but sometimes pain is temporary. life will go on. you might feel awful but if it's the right thing for everyone - then so be it.

i would suggest maybe seeing your partner in person again and talking about it before making any rash decisions. long distance can be very hard.

jaz xx

[Petal22]

Hi kp1903,

Wellcome to our forums!

Its ok to know that your feelings have changed towards this person.

It is you who is seeing this person and not other people who seem to be pushing you to be in the relationship.

If you don’t have feelings then you can’t change the way you feel……. You just know.

Think about YOU and not everyone else.

You know yourself best.

[Terry73]

Hi kp1903

My opinion of what you have written is that you seem to be wanting to be accommodating for everyone else, worried about their feelings, which is not a bad thing, but you really shouldn't do so at the cost of your own happiness.

If you really feel there is very little left between you and your partner, and its causing you to be someone you don't want to be, then you need to look and see what it is you really want, for you, not for everyone else around you. If this partner does not match what you want, then you really do need to move on.

There is a possibility that this is a phase you need to get through, and another possibility that you can make it work, that's your choice to make though, but once you decide on your path, take it, and be determined to carry it out, don't look back and regret making the choice, just look to where you want to be.

[Banksy92]

Hi kp1903,

No judgement here! This is definitely a tough situation to be in. I agree with Jaz that it could be helpful to plan a catch up and see how you feel face to face, then use that time to express how you're feeling and if it feels right, end it.

Life is too short to stay with someone who doesn't make you happy. It's your life to live and enjoy.

Hope this helps.