Feeling Lost - when someone can’t take no for an answer and let you move forward.

[Lily123rose]

In 2019 I became friends with someone l and we became close very quickly. They wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to be friends. They kept pushing the boundaries of friends. Constantly turning up to my house unannounced and contacting me all the time. I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with this (t started to feel obsessive). The last time they turned up in 2019 I told them to leave and that I couldn’t be friends with them. I blocked their number and then on any social media.

Sporadically they approach me, I ignore and I asking to please leave me alone. I have been followed to my car and listened to what they had to say recently. I have told them that they need to seek help and talk to someone that is not me. I was left shaking. I went home last week and looked into my options. I haven’t let others know but recently someone saw and told me that we needed to sort it out.... I am lost and confused as how can I sort it out? As someone who has requested space from someone else - whether it’s a female or male shouldn’t the other person move on respecting their wishes. It has been 2 years.. they haven’t threatened to physically hurt me but they emotionally continue to try and talk to me and watch me..I worry about them being obsessed with me.. and then thinking about me constantly. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore.

Seeing as back in 2019 I recommend that he needed help and I cannot provide him with the help he needs and that as he couldn’t respect me than I will not talk to him or have anything to do with him until I was ready. No one probably had a clue how difficult he has made my life and I can’t handle this behaviour anymore. I am worried to be looked down on by others in the town I live. The person who witnessed the other day already made me feel like it’s a “he said she said” “deal with it” issue. I don’t know what to do but enough is enough. I can’t live and enjoy my life and I have no idea what to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lily123rose,

This sounds like such a difficult situation for you and we can understand that this must be scary for you.  It's very difficult to set boundaries when others will not listen to you and respect your boundaries.  

Have you considered reaching out to an organization in your area that deals with family violence.  You stated that there have not been any physical threats, however emotional abuse, following you and obsessive behaviour is a form of family violence.  

You can contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

The community is here to support you and you are not alone.  

[smallwolf]

hi. this sounds like a scary situation to be in. Talking to someone like 1800RESPECT may give you options on what you can do. You should not have to deal with what sounds to be like the harassment after you have been asked to me left alone.

On how others make you feel... that is a tough one. I try to go by something brene brown said which is something along the lines of having a small sheet of paper containing the name of those people who opinions matter. But I can still screw that up. And my mind will tell me that everyone will find out. When the truth is the probably different.

The courage you took in posting here will help you in next steps - because you are worth it.

Tim