Feeling lost, confused, out of control and scared.. please help.

[Plutonicmermaid]

First of all my story is long and complicated so I will try and simplify it best I can so you can fully understand my situation.

I am 25 female and living in a rural town in WA. I live with my mum and my fiance currently because I am unemployed and can't afford to move out. My mother is my main contributing factor when it comes to my depression, she is very negative and childish and my counsellor and psychiatrist have both told me she mentally abuses me and emotionally blackmails me. She makes me feel guilty for everything I do in my life even if it doesn't involve her. Because my partner and I can't afford to move out just yet it is very difficult to escape her. Even when I try and just get out of the house or go to a separate room she makes me feel guilty for wanting to do my own thing or just have some me time. She makes it out like I am abandoning her. She also tells me all her problems like I am supposed to fix them and they range from stupid small things to major life things like complaining about her job or people or the main one is my stepdad who she has little to no contact with but he lives with us too. I have told her several times to leave him if she's not happy because she isn't and neither is he. The house isn't a very nice place to be and I m pretty much stuck in it 24/7. The town I live in is slowly turning into a ghost town because there is no work at all so everyone is leaving. I want to leave too so I can find a job but at the present I cant because I know my mum wouldn't be able to survive financially without mine and my partners small contribution money wise. She isn't very good with money and never has been, for as long as I can remember we have always worried about if we were going to have a place to live or if we will eat dinner and it still goes on to this day. She lies to me about our financial situation and I have to find out through letters I find from our landlords or real estates.

The last few weeks have been the hardest and she has pushed me to my breaking point but today was the worst, I feel like I don't know what to do about anything going on right now and I'm so confused and lost and worried. I know half of the things I worry about aren't my problem but I feel like I have to take control and be the adult because no one else will.

I just need some guidance and help, please.

[Quercus]

Hello Plutonicmermaid,

I'm really glad to hear you have the support of both a counsellor and a psychiatrist and your fiance. Is your Stepdad supportive too? Your situation is a very difficult one.

In your shoes I have to admit I would most likely be the same. Remaining at home out of a sense of duty to my mother. But the reality is this situation is toxic to you and if it remains like this thw one who will suffer is you. This really isn't fair is it.

Have you tried setting boundaries with your mum? For example if she is irresponsible with money to the point that she puts you at risk of losing your rental property... Is it possible for you to be in control of these finances?

To be honest (although it sounds heartless) I think it would be a good idea to talk to your psychiatrist on whether leaving is best for you. Yes you feel responsible but are you willing to resent her in the future for making you miserable now? Are you going to regret not putting yourself first?

She is an adult. If she is not able to care for herself then maybe she needs to look at downsizing or even seeing if there is a place in a retirement village locally. It is not fair on you or your fiance to give up your lives to appease your mum.

This doesn't sit well with me either. But at some point we have to look hard at the reality of our lives. Is living with her making it impossible for you to care for your own mental health?

These forums are non judgemental and welcoming and I hope you can reach out to others here and find some support and ideas to help yourself.

Please take care of yourself.

Nat