Feeling lost but in love

[Qwerty2017]

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we are getting married in late 2018

I have struggled with depression the whole time we have been together and she is very accepting of this. Always trying to help out but lately I find myself telling her the bare minimum or not telling her how Im feeling at all.

7 months ago I lost my great nan, although we werent extremely close its the first loss that I have been through and it was very significant to me. I went through a stage of pure emptiness, I stopped caring, it was like I was a robot just doing what I needed to do to get by and I feel this began to take a huge toll on our relationship.

We lack an intimate relationship, we have been intimate once this year. I dont have a want or need for intimacy for about a year and a half now.

Im still in love, Im just struggling to work on myself and dont know what to do.

[BballJ]

Hi Qwerty2017,

Sorry to read what you are going through.

My first question for you is have you spoken to your GP about the depression or even a psychologist? That is the first step to really start getting proper help. I suffer from anxiety and have for around 10 years and kept a lot of feelings bottled up inside of me and couldn't tell me partner certain things too. When I started seeing a psychologist, it really started to help me and open my eyes, these forums actually helped a lot as well, speaking to people who have dealt with similar situations helped me a lot personally so you may find these forums useful as well.

For what you have described, if you haven't already, I can't recommend highly enough to speak to your local GP about it and try and get the best help you can get. Couples counselling may also be an option down the track to help your relationship but I do know first hand when you feel happier with yourself, you feel happier in your relationship as well.

Please also remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feelings as well.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hi Qwerty, welcome to the site.
I'm sorry that this is what's happening in your r/ship, but people with depression have a tendency to close up to who they want to, especially the person they are living with, because there could be question after question being asked to you, which in turn annoys you to the extent of not wanting to talk and yes even any intimacy drops away, just because you simply aren't interested to be that close to your partner, where it needs you both to look and communicate with eachother, just as people do while making love.
I can understand this because that's what happened with me, I didn't feel as though I wanted to be this close to my wife, and for people who don't have depression this would seem to be very strange, especially if you are a male.
Now that you are expecting to be married sometime in 2018, this won't happen I'm sorry to say unless you get the help you need to overcome this illness, and I'm not joking, because it's a serious demon you are struggling with, and you won't be able to help yourself, you need direction and guildance administered with the help of your doctor and psychologist.
You must realise that no one can ever blame themselves if and when they do get depression, you didn't put your hand up did you, no, and you never ever wanted to be punished this way, it's not your fault, but please consider booking an appointment with your GP, I want you to get better before next year. Geoff.

[Qwerty2017]

Hello Jay,

Yes I do see a GP and psychologist, Im currently seeing both but I am not getting very far with it. Talking has not opened me but but is more so getting me to realise the thought process behind how I am feeling.

Im not sure how she would feel about couples counselling and I wouldnt even begin to know how to bring it up with her.

Thank you.

[BballJ]

Hi Qwerty2017,

That's good that you are seeing a psychologist, do you click with them though? When I saw click I mean do you feel comfortable enough to tell them everything about what is going on, or do you find you are holding stuff back because you don't feel like opening up? Reason I saw this is, is the fact you don't always click with the first or second or third even psychologist or GP for that fact and if you don't, it is wise to try and find a new one and try to click with them where it feels like you are talking to a good friend.

The psychologist may have some suggestions on how to approach requesting couples counselling as well?

My best,

Jay