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Feeling lost and confused
My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a massage place and got a 'happy ending' and feared to have caught an STI (this is why he was feeling suicidal). I was in shock at first and was more worried about his feelings of wanting to end his life.
I have had more time to think about everything that has happened and am feeling very hurt, broken, lost, confused. I am not sure what to do in my relationship.
Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry to hear that your nice trip away ended this way. It's always shocking and upsetting to hear that a partner had a sexual experience outside the relationship that we previously didn't know about, and your partner's mental health struggles certainly don't make things easier in this case.
That you were more worried about your partner's wellbeing than anything else speaks to what kind of partner you are and how lucky he is to have you. If it has been a couple of days since this first discussion and you have both had time to cool down a bit, consider bringing it up with him and trying to clear the air a bit. Of course his suicidality is important to take into consideration and I can already tell you will be sensitive to it, but it is also important to remember that poor mental health is not an acceptable excuse for unfaithful or inappropriate behavior in a relationship.
In the meantime, if you are not immanently worried about your partner's immediate mental health, consider talking things through with a trusted friend or, if you are comfortable, a family member or loved one. However you decide to proceed, a decision that's made after you've had time to sort out your thoughts a bit is always going to be the best one. Best of luck and feel free to do some thinking aloud here in the thread!