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Feeling lost and confused
I don't have any experience, directly or indirectly, with what you are going through so I don't know if I can offer you any worthwhile advice, but I wanted to welcome you to BB.
IMHO I would think that you might want to enlist the help of a child psychologist to endeavor to find out why your son is so angry all the time.
Thanks for coming here. You sound very worried and pressured - naturally enough as it is a very difficult situation and there is no rule-book ,guide or experience to help you know what to do for the best. This combined with feeling for your son in his unhappy state.
From what you describe your 8 year old is in a bad place, and SB suggestion of getting him professional help - if you have not already done so - seems very sensible. I'm not sure how this would work unless either your ex agreed or the school pressed for it.
It sounds like a case of 'the grass is greener' which prompted him to want to live with his dad. Unfortunately explanations will not have done any good against an emotional state and only time will make hm realize if he is not loved and looked after there. If your ex's new partner is not the nicest of people that might not take long.
I would imagine you might have had be with your parents after the split and having to live with them does limit your options. Hopefully your 10 year old and they get along.
I said at the start you were under a lot of pressure. Can you share the load by talking frankly with someone? You need all the support you can get. If I were in your position I'd visit my GP and explain the situation and get is advice. Constant unrelenting pressure and worry can have serious effects.
It would be good is you were to come back and say how things are