Feeling lonely and like I’ll never have a proper connection with someone

[GreenEgg]

Hi

I’m feeling sad but a bit resigned too, not too sad. Like I knew this would be the case all along and it’s happening. I’ve always struggled to make friends, and with the friends I do have I feel like a boring burden. Like I know they have chats and things without me.

Anyway, I guess I feel like there’s nothing to like about me and more that I’m just not capable of connecting with people. It’s not just friendships, I’ve never had a relationship and even though I have a 

large family I rarely talk to them. I’m not connected to my nieces.

I just realised today too that I’m in perimenopause and likely to go into menopause extremely early. I’ve suspected it for a while but drs didn’t take me seriously because of my age. So I ordered my own tests and they show it’s the case plus some autoimmune conditions.

I feel a bit upset about it. 

anyway, does anyone else struggle to make connections? Even when it seems like you’ve got people around you? How do you work on it?

[quirkywords]

Greenegg

Thanks for writing your post. 
it can be hard to really connect with others when you don’t like yourself. By reading your words I can tell you are honest and you want to feel connected. 
sometimes other people feel disconnected too and would to reach out to others but maybe afraid. 
i find just saying hell to people and learning their names is a start.m

[Croix]

Dear GreenEgg~

I'm sorry to hear about your physical problems, it is also sad you had to be proactive and get your own tests done -a pretty smart move.

People are a mixed bunch and it's probably not that realistic to be on close terms with most. I only have a couple of real friends at the end of a long life.

I am sure you are or can be interesting to others, however getting started can be the hardest part. With a large family including nieces I'd expect there would be at least a couple you could get on well with. It is more a question of being thrown together by circumstances.

Observing others and thinking abut what they need or enjoy is a good start. That does not mean you become a person the does what everyone wants, but at least try to cultivate an interest in line with  theirs. Then you might be able to hold conversions long enough to establish more of a realtionship.

Sometimes one can have a interest that is suitable to use when joining an organisation or club, anything from reading to walking.

It also helps to be mindful of one's own preferences and when at times you might not feel like being with others weigh up discomfort verses being social.

Croix

[Hopefull7]

Hi,  I have had difficulty making friends and connections.  Finding a suitable partner is even harder.  Getting dates is not hard, but keeping people interested in continuing to see me is difficult.  I have dated but not had a relationship.  I would like to meet someone I could live with, but I'm not sure if I want an intimacy.  Maybe housemate/friend would be enough.

You talk about feeling like a boring burden.   I find people who are interesting talk about themselves but not too much.  It's good to ask questions about the other person.   Also maintain some eye contact but not too much staring.  You can read their body language too.  If they are sitting back and looking around they may be nervous or shy or just not interested.  Sitting forward and smiling when appropriate shows interest. Good luck.