Feeling hopeless and lonely

[Maggie_]

Hi all,

I'm wondering if anyone has any words of advice...

I feel I have always suffered from depression and loneliness to some degree but for some reason in recent weeks it has gotten even worse. I don't get excited about things anymore. I don't see the point! I feel like the future is bleak and hopeless. I have a fiance but still I feel lonely a lot, even though he is very supportive. I emigrated to Australia from UK 2 and half years ago so I don't know if that has something to do with my loneliness. My family dont call or Skype - only message over Facebook. I have asked them time and time again to Skype and they just don't want to. I let them know that it upset me that they don't ask about my life here or try to talk to me other than Facebook messenger and one sister actually had a go at me, mum and other sister said nothing and the third sister simply said 'well it was your decision to move there so you just have to get on with it. I suppose people have their own lives going on' and I get that people have their own lives but a 10 min phonecall once a week or fortnight isn't asking much (in my opinion). But I've given up on that because I don't want them to speak to me just because I'm forcing them to. I feel like everyone else has closer friends and family (better support network) than me and it makes me feel lonely. I'm not good at making new friends as I'm self conscious and get tired and bored sometimes in social situations so probably don't appear very approachable! I'm struggling to find motivation to do anything at the moment. I want to call in sick so I can just spend the day napping in bed and eating (I over-eat a lot and have noticed I'm putting on weight but can't stop!) but so far I have dragged myself into work but don't know how long I can keep that up. I have told my GP that I'm feeling down and she gave me a questionnaire to fill out and I am seeing her again tomorrow to show the questionnaire and she might refer me to speak to a psychologist. But I guess I want to know if anyone thinks that speaking to a psychologist worked for them? And if not what else might be able to help instead?

Thanks so much for reading my post

[Guest_3072]

Hi Maggie and thanks for sharing your current situation here with us!

Firstly, I think it's great that you spoke to your GP and are taking steps to see whether seeing a psychologist can help you. I have had a few counselling sessions myself and thought they were great. I think it would help to get someone else's perspective about your situation such as a psychologist, especially someone that is "trained to listen" if that makes sense. A psychologist can give you tips on coping strategies and maybe help you find or try out strategies of self-help that you might not have thought of before, so I definitely think you should give it a try!

Gabby x

[JimmyC76]

Evening Maggie,

My mum did exactly the same thing and her name is Maggie too!!

I was recently diagnosed with Depression by my GP and she suggested that I go and speak with a psychologist. So congratulations on making that first step. I know it wasn't easy. Being male, I thought that talking about how I felt would be a waste of time. How wrong was I?? I've had 4 sessions and I have found them to very useful and helpful. I have found it extremely rewarding, in terms of aiding my 'recovery' to talk to someone who knows what I am going through - more so than talking to a family member or friend. Like you, I don't have many close friends to share things with and it feels a little strange telling my wife all my problems. So to have that outside professional help has been fantastic. Not only is the psychologist there for the face-to-face parts, but also supplied me with an email address, to contact if required.

So, with all that in mind, I strongly suggest you go see a psychologist (just make sure it is someone you feel comfortable talking to) and let him/her aid you on your path to 'recovery'. Good luck and know that a lot of us are here to support you.

All the best Maggie.

JC

[Reaperbird]

Hey Maggie,

I just wanted to say I sympathize with not having your family contact you regularly, facebook might be one thing, but it's not the same as hearing their voice or seeing them face-to-face. I can understand how lonely and hurtful that must be, especially being your family whom you rely on to support you.

But seeing a psychologist could definitely help. Not only for support, but just having someone to talk to openly about everything to help with loneliness and self-doubt.
I see one, and last session we had a conversation about our favourite books. It can really help having someone to talk to about even the little things you may be missing out on with the isolation from your family.

Also, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about missing work or feeling like napping all the time. While it's good to try and push yourself and not get in to any bad habits, it's also good to take time for self care, and that includes stress. So if you are having a bad day, maybe do something nice and relaxing for yourself now and again. Watch your favourite movie, go for a short walk, or take a long bath. Whatever helps you relax and feel good.

As for over-eating, well it's likely related to your stress, so if you focus on getting your stress down, chances are your eating will improve too. But if you are concerned, talking to a dietitian can help. I spoke to one about my own eating habits and she gave me ideas for healthier snacks for when I feel down (like rice crackers instead of chips, and putting fruit in with custard.)

So anyway, I hope things improve for you in the future. And don't worry about being the only one who's lonely, you're definitely not the only one going through it. I myself struggle at making friends and meeting new people, it's always hard starting from scratch. But once you meet one or two good people, I'm sure you can build a network from there. It's just getting started that can be tough.

Well, good luck for tomorrow, and I hope you have a nice week.